What makes us happy?

They are right when they say happiness is just a state of mind. And yet I do feel agitated, anxious, stressed, sad and unhappy at times, over the years I have figured out six things that keep me in my default happy status -

1. First and foremost is good health. If I have bad health, I stop being myself, I stop enjoying anything that goes around me. Any ailment, however trivial, deducts from my happiness. So I work hard on staying healthy - as much as I can. Bad health is also a waste of time... already in our short lifespan.
2. Second is, being able to earn. Working and mainly earning for myself gives me a sense of pride, joy, and confidence. I saw a shift in my personality after I finished my masters and started earning. I have seen this happening with other people as well, shy and introvert-ish people start walking with an erect spine as soon as they start earning.
3. Money, in general, does provide happiness because it provides for your basic comforts, for recreation—travel, holidays, hobbies or in time of ill-health. A couple of years ago there was an article based on research conducted by Princeton University - on how much money one needs to earn to be happy and the magic number was 75,000$ per year (for the USA). I guess the number would vary for people living in different states/cities and also the number of dependents in the house etc. Money has a dangerous and unhappy side to it if it turns into greed.
4. The fourth is definitely family, friends, and people, being around them makes me happy. Companionship, camaraderie, socializing is rejuvenating, but at the same time, I stay away from the negative people as it robs me of my peace of mind.
5. The fifth is hobbies. I feel a void, big dent in my life if for some reason I am not able to spend time on stuff that I like to do, be it reading, writing, painting, dancing, biking or being with nature.

I feel going to clubs or parties every single weekend, gossiping, criticizing, watching TV constantly, or just being a lazy bum is a criminal waste of time. Social service and such also provides happiness. Basically, it’s important to concentrate on something that keeps you occupied meaningfully.

6. And last but not least is sunshine... Places like Seattle - which are constantly cloudy - are not meant for me. I felt low, gloomy and depressed in Seattle. I see a whole new shift in my mood and energy since I moved to the Bay Area. I feel back to my own self.

Video Log - Traditions

I keep making youTube videos on various topics, this one is about traditions.

Blogging

Blogging is a tricky medium. There is no guarantee that your post will be taken in the spirit that it was intended, it can be misunderstood by someone or the other.

I do not share names so there is no way to tell who it is written about or if it really happened (could very well be a figment of imagination). Also, I have had all sorts of experiences sad, bad, ugly, good, ecstatic and whatnot, I have known many vampires/ bullies/hypocrites/gossipmongers/male chauvinist pigs/negative/ beautiful/positive/amazing/ smart/intelligent/ warm/ welcoming/ terrific people. So the opinions expressed here are not based on one person or one thing, it can not be.

If the blogger is being sarcastic some may think they were upset or angry, sharing your opinions on human behavior can turn into debates as people might think you were targeting them, if you are making a valid point some will ignore the point and argue about something trivial that was expressed in the post and how it hurt them.

I have learned that no matter how clear, valid and simple we keep the posts there will always be an element of perception and interpretation, which again is subjected to the people who are reading it, their backgrounds, experiences, culture and sometimes their relation to me. I cannot control all this. 

So I have no option but to continue writing what I believe in. The only thing which is in my control is - I can make sure that the names are never mentioned anywhere, even my immediate family members do not know who I have written about (they have never asked me who the post was about too), there is never a personal vendetta or evil intended against anyone.

This blog is a reflection of my thought process, the opinions expressed here are not necessarily right or wrong, true or false it is simply my perception and interpretation of the world around me.

5 life lessons

Five life lessons that I have learned -

1) You can not please everyone.

Personally, I have seen that people have bizarre expectations. A lot of people are hypocrites and someone or the other will always get offended by what you do. Might as well do what makes you feel comfortable, happy and healthy.

2) Actions speak louder than words.

If there is something you wish to do, then do it first and talk about it later. Its always more fun listening to real-stories than the imaginary ones.

3) Life is short.

Great if you are adventurous and into daredevil sports but do not risk others lives because they might not recover from it. Ever! And if you are forced into doing something that you don't feel comfortable doing or don't have the nerve for then be strong enough to say no, doesn't matter if they call you a coward - I have experienced this firsthand, I broke my tailbone just because someone forced me to skate, it took me more than a year to heal from the injury, I had to take painkillers for one whole year otherwise the pain left me in tears each night. I didn't need to skate to show I wasn't a coward, I just needed to trust my intuition and should have said 'go to hell' (or whatever words I use when I am angry) - being aggressive/ vocal and upfront about what we want and do not want to do is much more courageous. Life is short. Do not make it shorter by being foolish.

The above does not apply just for adventures but anything in general. Remember you are an independent person, free citizen of a free nation. You alone are responsible for your health, well being, mental well being, people you want to hang out with or any decisions that you make. People will try to use bad-harsh-unpleasant words, thinking you will be manipulated that way. Let people bark. It doesn't matter. Trust your intuition. Stand up for yourself and if it comes to that then yell, scream make sure that you are heard and there are boundaries that people do not dare to cross.

4) Financial Independence is important.

Until you are dependent upon someone else for your 'survival', you will never truly be your own person.

5) Happiness is a choice.

And that means one needs to choose what we do in our lives, with our time, who do we hang out with, the kind of lifestyle we live - it is all a choice, happiness is a choice. 

Our Best

 

 

I work out every day for 60 minutes. Aerobics, Weight lifting, Pilates, Yoga, Hiking, Biking, Dance, Kickboxing and whatnot,  still I am not content because I never think I am doing enough. I should be doing more.

 

I prepare most of my meals. I spend around 60 minutes each day in the kitchen on meal preparations.  I eat simple and fresh food. I eat fruits, nuts for snack time. I also consume all my meals before 7 pm and I follow this successfully 9/10 times, the 10th meal I give up, I end up eating restaurant food, dessert, junk food, and such. 9/10 successful meals... and yet I think it is not good enough. I should be doing more. 

 

While I know this feeling of needing to do more will never go away but again it helps me to push myself and never give up. It helps me to stay motivated. 'Not doing enough' feeling doesn't have to translate into disappointment, it can also be translated into not giving up and pushing ourselves. 

 

When I started working out (I have been working out ever since I remember), my life was at a different stage. When I started blogging (2006?) it was at a different stage. And today (2019) it is at a different stage. With every stage, the challenges have changed and I am sure you have been through various stages/ phases - good bad, and the ugly. But as long as we keep doing our best and continue to focus on getting better, I guess we are doing enough. 

Lead By Example

I seldom give any weight to someone's opinion unless I respect them in 'that' particular field. If I like your body - health - mental status then I will listen to your fitness-diet tips. There are people who are double my size  - who have given me diet/ weight suggestions/advice.

Doesn't matter if you hold a doctorate in nutrition/ health or diet. First, prove to me that you have got it under control in your life and then you shall have my 100% attention :-)...

Don't get me wrong, I love to improve myself, I love pieces of advice, but say if my mother gives me advice on weight and diet then I would happily take it because she has been in shape forever, her diet is perfect, ever since I remember I have seen her exercise every.single.day, and even after having 3 kids she has a flat belly - she holds the credibility to give a piece of advice...

Or I would happily take a piece of advice on behavior and worldly wisdom from my father, he is one of the best people I have known in my life. But if toxic, negative and just bad people start to find faults in anyone/anything, I can not help but wonder why don't they spend that time in introspection.
I think you get the gist...Lead by example...


The world is changed by our example, not by our opinion.

The world of blogging

I have been writing a diary ever since I remember, even before the blogging world. It was simply my way of venting out my thoughts (and opinions). One day in 2006 I started blogging. This was my first post. I didn't have any expectations or any agenda from this activity. 

Then sometime in 2015 I started clicking pictures of my outfits every now and then and posted them on a new blog that I named as lifestyleandallthatjazz - basically about life, style, lifestyle, and everything under the Sun. 

When it comes to blogging I want to stay away from the herd mentality of gaining followers or having numerous comments and whatnot. Every blog has an aim and reason for its existence. Mine just happens to be for personal satisfaction & personal expression. 

The idea of my blogs is to show some creativity with clothes and again to express myself. Be myself. Be honest and voice my opinions. Yes, I am an opinionated person, just like every other person I have an opinion on books, movies, art, god, religion, war, pollution, population, diet, exercise, equality, and everything. While doing that I may have made a connection with a few, or offended a few. Who knows? I am just following my own rhythm. I appreciate you all coming out here and being part of the maniacal world of my opinions but don't forget that everything I write here is only an opinion about stuff be it Food, Fitness, Films, Fashion, Family, Friends or F-ilosophy! and I do not expect you to agree with anything that I express. 

Nasty

Most of the people who make nasty comments on others are bad/ toxic/ negative and unhappy people. People who live in mud sling mud on others ;-) The best people that at least I have met in my life are positive, encouraging, friendly, lovely, and too busy with activities to be spending time on gossiping.

I might remember the unfavorable feedback/ comments made on me by the toxic people but it doesn't mean that I let it get to me. Most of the negative people are hypocrites, honestly, it is hilarious to see the negative minds come up with their judgment, yes they are nasty but at the same time a mirror of themselves.

So I say - have a good memory but pretty much do your own thing. Do not even try to make people see their hypocrite or negative behavior, it is a waste of time. If you feel good and are not doing anything to hurt someone intentionally, then you are doing everything you can!

Illusion of perfection

We are all gauging each other's actions as per what we think is the right way to exist. Woven with intricate relationships we all are simply walking on pins and needles.

I try to survive on my own terms and focus all my energies on myself. I do not want to be someone else's 'version of existence or expectation or perfection'. 

I will stay true to myself, being myself no matter what. There is no perfection and there is no illusion of perfection either.

Ban

Every other year I impose a shopping ban on myself. So I do not shop for even a hairpin in that year (I am obviously not talking about the essentials - such as groceries). The max I have gone with the ban is 3 years straight. I must tell you it is quite challenging because there are temptations all around us. I get to try out many combinations in the ban periods and use everything that I have.

So why the ban? Because I cannot help but cringe over the materialistic world we have formed around us. We are all dwelling in excess. Believing in retail therapy more than believing in ourselves. Why do we feel we need to shop to feel happy? We buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like. I am just trying NOT to be that person.

I have always been a big believer in savings. If you give me money, chances are I will straight away put it into my savings, planning for real estate investments. I didn't buy anything in 2018 and 2019 is a ban year too. Anyone interested in trying out the ban?

I do not condemn shopping, it builds and nourishes the economy. But here is a thought, in the good old days people got their clothes mended from tailors, shoes fixed from the cobbler, got small little parts of the blender, and stuff from the dingy little stores located in some tiny alleys - this all paid the small local businesses. Now the mentality is we are looking for something to go wrong with our stuff so that we can buy new stuff and throw away the old stuff.

So I say - I do not condemn shopping but I condemn the stigma attached to repeating clothes, needing something new to wear to every party, having things in the closet with their price tag on, and yet complaining about having nothing to wear, throwing away stuff without even trying to get it fixed first and just mindless shopping for self-gratification or shopping for the sake of having-everything-everyone-else has.

That is why I follow a shopping ban every other year or so. I have enough stuff to mix- match - use, I think most of us do. Imposing a ban gives a break to the mind and forces you to make most of your existing closet, try to make things work. While sometimes the temptations try and take over your sanity but staying strong gives you a greater sense of achievement later. Not to mention the money and time you save you can spend on hobbies, activities, travel or maybe go towards paying your loan.

If you are interested in pledging a shopping ban then -
Things that are banned:
- Clothes (all kinds!)
- Shoes
- Accessories/Jewelry
- Bags/Purses/Clutches
- Cosmetics
- Electronics/Gadgets and anything that is unnecessary

Things that are allowed:
- Food
- Water
- Home Supplies
- Medicines
- Toiletries (shampoo, soap, etc.)

Vlog - Carl Sagan

Greed

Is greed just about money or materialistic things? or greed is also wanting more and more from life, going through the fear of missing out or wanting every.single.thing in every.single.shape.and.size?

I feel greed can be for many things like knowledge, learning, helping, growth, progress, improvement, betterment. If the past generations were content with whatever they had then we wouldn't be living in a technologically advanced world today. 

If the whole world feels content with everything that they have then how will science advance, how will more discoveries and inventions happen, who will create empires and provide us with jobs? Also not feeling content with our health/ weight/ knowledge makes us live a better life. In my opinion greed (when it is not turning us into a demon) is essential for our and world's growth and progress.

Thoughts?

Motherhood

How consumed are you in motherhood? Are your kids the best part of your life? Do you feel complete as a woman because you have kids? Are your profile pictures/ status updates/ conversation topics/ small talks/ thoughts/ dreams everything of and about your kids?

I don't understand why anyone would think that way. Life is so BIG. So vast. There are endless possibilities of self-discovery. I hope people explore them all. Kids can remain a beautiful part of life, but not the sole happiness. One needs to feel complete without kids/ or for that matter without a partner.

I hope motherhood doesn't put any brakes on your quest for life, but accelerates it.

My 2 cents: There are some who think there is nothing as important for women as wanting to be mothers. Such glorification of motherhood also means if you can’t or don’t wish to have any children there must be something wrong with you. 

Having children can be one aspect of life but it isn't the whole life. It's okay if you want to have them and it's okay if you don't. Motherhood does not complete you, you are complete even without it.

3 in Science

Fashion 1 0 1

The fashion industry is the second largest industry in the world after the oil industry. The owner of Zara Amancio Ortega is the richest man in Europe and the fourth richest man in the world. That says a lot about the world of fashion.

Fashion is also the number two most polluting industry next to the oil industry. It is a socio-economic topic covering the whole world and pertaining to each and every one of us. However, everyone is not aware of things happening in the fashion industry and the way clothing production works. I think the more people know, the better we can work to make a change.

If I were to invite you to read just one topic on this blog then this would be it.

The maximum number of clothing items that I ever bought in one single year was 10  (clothing items include work clothes/nightdresses/ socks/ undergarments/ scarves). And there have been years that I didn’t buy a single clothing item, the max I have gone without shopping is 3 years. I did not buy a single item (not even a hairpin) in 2017. I can create loads of combinations with the quality products that I already have and it gives me a feeling that I am wearing something new every day. The clothing items that you see on my personal style blog are accrued over a period of 15+ years.
And why am I telling you this? I am coming to that.

There are many people who have a budget set (say 100$ per week) to buy clothes/ shoes/ purses/ accessories. Unfortunately, it is a story in most households. Do you know the average number of clothes bought every year by Americans? It is 65 per year - not per family but per person (I think the East is catching up too).
The point I am trying to make is - we buy too much.

Why do we buy so much?

Because we associate happiness with owning more. They call it ‘the retail therapy’. However therapy is something that fixes us for life, therapy is treatment - therapy can not be something that gives momentary pleasure, so chocolates or retail can not be termed as therapy. If retail is therapy then it is so only for the shop owners, not for you and me. If you think following the latest trends is making you look trendy or how many clothes you buy are showcasing you as rich then no - you are getting poorer and the only person getting richer is the owner of brands.

I have said this before on this blog - I am just reiterating myself - contrary to popular belief food and shopping can not be hobbies. Owning stuff and a materialistic attitude is not going to make us happy. The way to solve the problems in our life is not through consumption.

Careless production and endless consumption-
I did a part-time fashion designing course from Pune, India. I used to sew my own salwar kamizes for years in college. Sewing is a time-consuming task, it is physically challenging too - it would give me a lot of back and neck ache, so how much ever I enjoyed sewing I decided to call it quits (and now instead I break my back on a software job).

However, I must admit that sewing is one hobby that makes me the happiest. One sewing project takes hours and now I pick only one or two sewing projects every year. Good quality fabrics I buy for my projects start from 10$ per yard and you need say 3 yards for an adult skirt  (more if you add lining). On top of that other materials are needed like thread, elastic, zipper, and whatnot.
Anyhow, so up till now you must have understood from this post that

• We buy too much
• Sewing projects are time-consuming
• Sewing causes a lot of physical discomfort and
• Sewing is an expensive affair if we want quality material

Doesn’t it make you think how are the shops filled to the brim with dirt-cheap clothes? How are H&M, Old Navy, Forever21 selling skirts for less than $10???

Remember that everything that we wear is touched by human hands … not robots. How is it possible that we are paying dirt cheap price when someone is working hard to make them? How much are the sewers paid?

We can buy clothes so cheaply because they are made of very poor quality materials and because people who make these clothes do not earn a living wage. They work in factories that do not fulfill safety requirements. They work with highly toxic materials. They often work over a dozen hours a day, six days a week, with no provisions and no legal arrangements, in locked buildings they can not leave even in face of danger. They risk their health and their lives just so that we, the people of the West consider it a given that we can buy a cheap t-shirt. And then, tragedies occur, like the one in Rana Plaza where over one thousand people were killed in a clothing factory building collapse. When we buy cheap clothes, we are playing with people's lives and well-being and on the most basic level, on human dignity.

Their need to work, their need to earn money is being misused, they are being treated as slaves. They need to be treated with as much respect as any other working professional would  - be it the working hours/ safe working conditions/ health benefits/ sick leave.

In Cambodia when textile industry workers marched to ask for an increase in the minimum wage - police fired guns killing and injuring people - their only ask was 160$ per month - they are currently given 30 cents a day. Why their government doesn’t help with this? Because they fear that if the wages are increased the business will go to other countries that are offering lower wages - the businesses obviously care only for profits. Our government has no rules and regulations over the trades, the companies decide the working conditions, minimum wage, and these corporations are making loads of money.

This explains the reason why Zara's owner is the fourth richest man on Earth.

But wait there's more to that. The fast fashion industry has a massive and negative influence on the environment. The aim is to produce as much material for clothes as fast as possible. This means that the chain of harmfulness starts right at cotton plantations. The cotton isn't just sprayed with pesticides but also monopolized by big corporations which means very few rich producers are able to farm ecologically.

BT cotton is cotton in which a gene has been added from a bacteria to produce a toxin - this patent is owned by a big company (Monsanto) and a poor farmer has to go to the company to buy seeds, these seeds are extremely expensive. The pesticides that are used to produce the cotton for our clothes are spoiling the soil. The use of fertilizers pesticides increases toxicity in the region where cotton is grown, it causes cancer, birth defects, and many such illnesses. There are also weaving mills, dyers (Chemicals are used to dye), and tanneries polluting earth and water and also making people working on them and living close to them sick because of the proximity of all the toxic materials. Clothes are not biodegradable which means if you throw them they will sit on the land for many years.

I express my grief over many things like (a) people don’t work out, eat junk, parents feed their kids restaurant food/ processed/unhealthy food every other day (b) animals are killed for food and making leather for humans (c) many do not know even the basics of gender equality (d) clothing industry is treating the laborers/ environment poorly - people tell me not to think about it - enjoy your day, why do you have to think about all this they say. But I believe we should care. Let’s not merely, just exist. Let’s live a conscious life. If we are talking about long-term sustainability and well-being on this planet then the industry will have to change and also ‘we’ have to change.

I can't stand authoritarian opinions and I dislike selling my point of view. But remember that I am not knocking on your door telling you how to live your life, you have chosen to read this blog where I am expressing my opinions, so continue reading if you feel you need to change or make a difference in this scenario (how much ever little it is), else you can say I know how the fashion industry works but I don't care to make a difference, in that case, stop reading now.

Here are the steps that you can take if you care about finding a solution to the fast fashion problem like I do.

The industry works for us and gets rich thanks to us. The consumers are not some statistic, imaginary group: it consists of individuals, of you and me. We let it grow and get strong. So how do we start?

1. Slow down. Don't let the ads tempt you, don't go browsing the shops. Detox. We're buying too much anyway. If you see a skirt for 4$ think what kind of quality it is - the good quality fabrics that I have bought in this country for sewing an adult size skirt takes at least 10$ a yard - so something that is sold for 4$ is plain bad quality and also think how much was the sewer paid for his/her hard work (as the company is going to keep maximum profit). Next time you buy at sale realize that the company is still making its profit - the sale that you get is by cutting the wages of the sewers. I have thought a lot on this topic and the best solution that I see is - Stop mindless consumption, reuse, recycle and reduce.
2. Buy sensibly - from a lot to good. It is better to buy something that you are positive about: something that will match the rest of your wardrobe made well and out of quality materials. Something that will last for many years. That way you create a well-defined personal style. It's a smart thing to do for the environment and society. Every year we dump millions of tonnes of clothes and only a small part of them reach the second-hand/thrift stores. We spill a massive amount on developing countries, destroying the local and traditional workplaces at clothes making. The largest part goes to garbage dumps where it will decompose for hundreds of years, harming the environment (clothes are not bio-degradable).
3. Look for better alternatives. I buy only a few items every year from decent brands, I know their fabric is good quality - and I prefer to buy at brands who have ethical rules and regulations - you can check it on their websites if they follow an ethical process. People who can should look for alternatives - look for tailors in your area, or local boutiques who you know are doing ethical business.
4. Donate your clothes (when you are done using them) to someone you know or someone in need. As I said earlier clothes are not biodegradable. In my family we all use each other's clothes, my nieces use the clothes that don't fit me anymore or the ones that I think are no longer age-appropriate for me. I have no issues using clothes that someone else has used before but I know many people do not like it, using used clothes is too lowly for them - it is something that only the poor do, well I don't want to comment on how you should feel about it but think innovative ways of reusing, recycling and repurposing clothes. For example, I use worn-out clothes at home, turn them into rags, I have seen people making quilts with their old clothes or repurposing clothes to make baby/ toddler clothes. When it comes to donating clothes - My first preference is donating clothes to people I know - so that I can see them getting used and the next option is donating to the salvation army. I am sure you will find a lot of people around you who will happily accept used clothes - so donate.
5. Start to think about your clothes like they were made to last. Head fashion designers keep saying that fashion should not be disposable. So, start to clean your clothes the right way: it's different for polyester and cotton and wool. Tags will help you decide what to do and then there is the internet to dig through for detailed instructions. I always use the handwash mode on the machine for washing all my clothes and also I never put them in the dryer - the result is I use the same clothes for more than 15 years. If you own a piece for so long that it got damaged over time, then remember that you can shave the pilling on a sweater, patch a hole on the elbow and if you lost weight then all your clothes can be adjusted for the new measurements. Some things you can do on your own while it is better to have others done by a professional. A lot of skirts that you see on this blog were a size or two bigger, they have been adjusted to fit my new measurements. Why is this important? You're caring for the environment because you're limiting trash production. You're also supporting local artisans and so, helping people whose jobs are going extinct. For example, I always go to a cobbler to get my broken shoes fixed but many people choose to throw away things in the excitement of buying new stuff.

The clothes that live with you for a long time, get a lot of stories ingrained in them. One of my childhood friends wore skirts that her mother used to wear when she was in college. Those skirts were a different fashion altogether, they were unique because they were not in the market at that time and she got a lot of compliments on her clothes and a lot of surprised reactions when she said this is my mother's skirt. So if you've ever been given a garment worn by your grandmother or your grandfather in their youth, you know what I am talking about. Also, it is good for the pocket - you can save money and rather spend it on some good things like real estate!

And lastly 'The true cost' is a very good documentary on this topic.

Video Log - Dawkins

Book Reviews 2017.4

Reviewing books that I read in 2017.

16. Wedding Night - Sophie Kinsella
Did not like it, even though it is written by Kinsella. 2/5.

17. Into the Water - Paula Hawkins
Second book written by the author of 'girl on the train' (which I loved and couldn't put down). Into the water was a let down, did not enjoy it. 2/5.

18. Mrs Funnybones - Twinkle Khanna
I didn't know before buying the book that it is just a collection of Twinkle Khanna's blog posts, which I had read already. Loved reading them again, as the name suggests the book is very funny. 4/5.

19. Joy in the Morning - P.G. Wodehouse
Edwin was my favorite character in the book. Wodehouse at his best again. 4/5.

20. Mindset: the new psychology of success - Carol S. Dweck
"The growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts. Although many people may differ in every which way - in their initial talents and aptitudes, interests or temperaments - everyone can change and grow through application and experience." Liked the book and would definitely recommend it. 4/5.

Book Reviews. 2017.3

Reviewing books that I read in 2017:

11. Big Little Lies - Liane Moriarty 
Did not like the book but absolutely loved the show on HBO, which would be an ideal example of how to adapt books for TV shows. 3/5.

12. My not so perfect life - Sophie Kinsella
I read all her books, does not mean I like all of them :-). 2/5.

13. Space Chronicles: Facing the ultimate frontier - Neil deGrasse Tyson
Tyson illuminates the past, present, and future of space exploration and brilliantly reminds us why NASA matters now as much as ever. Loved the book. 5/5.

14. My Man Jeeves - P.G. Wodehouse
My father has read all of Wodehouse books. And I want to. I am short of words to express what a legendary writer he is. Wodehouse is my favorite author when it comes to wordplay. His writing has a very natural flow, and even though the stories are set in British context, you feel very close to his characters. The only other author who made me laugh so hard was P. L. Deshpande. Wodehouse's stories are charmingly simple and yet delightfully funny. 5/5.

15. All the missing girls - Megan Miranda
A very well rated book on Goodreads, but I failed to understand all that hoopla around it. 2/5.

Book Reviews. 2017.2

Reviewing books that I read in 2017.


6. Death by black hole - Neil deGrasse Tyson
This book is a collection of essays that Tyson wrote for Natural History magazine over a ten year period, on a variety of subjects related to science and scientific inquiry. Tyson's perspective and his voice always makes his books stand out from the crowd. 4/5.

7. Origins: Fourteen Billion Years of cosmic evolution  - Neil deGrasse Tyson
This book covers an enormous period of time, fourteen billion years, and even provides some interesting thoughts concerning the future of our planet and galaxy. The theme of the book is clear, it deals with the origin of the universe, the various types of galaxies, the formation of the clusters, all the types of stars, the origin of the planets and life in general. It concerns itself with vague topics like dark matter and dark energy and black holes, all the mysteries of the universe. 5/5.

8. Astrophysics for people in a hurry - Neil deGrasse Tyson
. The book is for people in a hurry and I am not in a hurry
. Astrophysics is not Sophie Kinsella's book story that can be told in three lines (just being a hypocrite, I read all her books).
. People in a hurry should not make an attempt at astrophysics to begin with ;-)
. The book left me wanting to know more, high time Tyson writes a book for people at leisure!
3/5.

9. Belles on their toes - Frank B. Gilbreth Jr.
Cheaper by the dozen is one of my most favorite stories of all times so I had to read it's second part and I was beyond disappointed. 1/5.

10. A little life - Naya Yanagihara
This is a very well rated and a famous book, unfortunately I did not enjoy it at all, first of all it is huge and second of all I had to drag myself everyday to read it. 1/5.

Women: 5. The Royals

This is the five-part in the series. Part 1. Part 2. Part 3,Part 4.

The Royals

A relative of mine, age 27, has a masters degree, got a job three years ago, earns well (most of the software people do), he is very intelligent, soft-spoken, looks great and is a fantastic photographer. He is brought up by a single parent (his mother had to start from scratch when his father left within 2-3 years of marriage), he is not born with a silver spoon.

He is looking for a bride on matrimonial sites and has been rejected over and over again. Reason? Indian girls want this very well settled man who has a house, a car, and a bank balance.

A house in Pune (after just 3 years of a job) is not a joke, especially for people who build everything on their own (he lives with his mother currently). So anyway, I told him to ask the girls the same question - 'Are you well settled? do you have a house, a car, and a bank balance? If not then what makes you think that a boy the same age as yours and with the same number of years of experience as yours will have everything?

Here is my thought - if you want all this then why not earn it yourself, why depend on a man?

I feel this attitude of women is as much wrong as men asking for dowry. I agree that one needs to see that the boy is educated, has a good heart and whatnot but expecting that the man would have bought a house, a car and everything within just a few years of experience is WRONG, especially if you yourself haven't earned that much!

Look at the potential in the boy, would he be able to support and share as much as you (and not just financially but in taking care of household chores too). And then you would be able to build everything together. Do not expect everything to be served on a platter. It is wrong to put men under so much pressure based on (idiotic) gender role.

Many women expect their husband/father to shower them with presents, like on the occasions of Rakshabandhan, Paadava, Bhaubiz, Diwali, and whatnot, a woman prays the man for her protection and in turn gets a gift, I don't understand these kinds of rituals, I find them very stupid and so I don't follow them. I don't need gifts...I earn them myself. Be capable enough to buy gifts for yourselves, be able to protect yourself! We say we want the equality of the sexes but a certain segment of women in society wish to be treated like royalty by men all the time...

On a side note, some women find these rich husbands and get bogged down by luxuries. Does a day come when they realize that they never took a step to find their own identity and now it is too late?

We, myself included, need to introspect and be the change we want to see in the society. Do not quit your job/business/passion, not for anyone, make your own money, save, enough to cover all your expenses for at least 6 months, for the worst case scenario, take a break if you want to (men do that too) but work again, treat men equal to you, pay half the bill on your date, open the door for them, don't expect them to spend their hard earned money on you - be capable of earning and then spending...

Women: 4. The Mom

This is the fourth part in the series. Earlier parts - Part 1. Part 2. Part 3.

The Mom

The ones who leave their jobs to take care of their kids. ***Every case is different, there are situations in some families when the best solution is not to have both parents working full time, in that case ignore my further comments.

I have a problem with the assumption that only moms have to leave their job for taking care of kids, it could be men too, why not? Only moms go on six-month maternity leave. Why? All companies need to revise their paternity leave policy. It HAS to be equal. From what I hear Microsoft and Amazon do have (about) equal maternity and paternity leaves.

One of the most important things parents strive for is to model for kids the adults we hope they will become. Parents with daughters tell them to work hard in school and strive for a meaningful career. Sons are told the same, the girls who sit beside them in the classroom are their equals in every way. But if you are a housewife then what happens when that does not square with what your kids see at home? When speaking to your daughters about the importance of focusing on a career and striving for professional success, does a credibility gap open up?

You could tell yourself that your kids will be better off cared for only by you, but there is no research that bears that out, and while there are times that intense parental engagement is needed, working parents are able to achieve that, too. It is a myth that only stay-at-home moms take the best care of their kids or have the time to instill the right values. I have seen brilliant achievers even though they have had both their parents working. Although one may think that for any individual woman staying at home might lead to less stress, more happiness, and a better situation for her family, studies confirm that there is more boredom and depression.

When kids go to daycare, they learn social skills and they also get an early start in learning alphabets, being independent, eating with their own hands and whatnot. And the kids of working women develop a respect for the women kind - again my opinion.  Also remember, women working for pay makes it easier for families to live more comfortably. The sooner women realize that they don't need to sacrifice, they can always get help and make the men own up to their share of equal responsibility, the faster our society will progress.

Recently a famous sportsperson Sania Mirza gave birth and said it to be the biggest achievement of her life. How can it be her biggest achievement?  How many women from India have made it big in sports? Also, have you seen the population of the world? Childbirth is the most natural, common and rampant thing and her calling it the biggest achievement of her life sounds bizarre to me. 

Coming up in the next post 'The Royals', which is an interesting category of women, the extreme cases are called 'Golddiggers'. 

To be continued...

Women: 3. The Martyr

This is the third part in the series. Earlier parts - Part 1. Part 2.

The Martyr

The Martyr - a woman who thinks people are judging them based on how good a wife/ mother/ daughter/ daughter-in-law/ sister-in-law she is and she cares about the opinions and then tries to be a perfectionist, treats the man of the house as the 'man of the house' who is never asked to (or given an ultimatum to) share his share of responsibilities, she tries to show that she is the best daughter-in-law, mother, and whatnot and then juggles everything and kills herself in the process. 

I am sorry, I have to say this - I pity all those women who take pride in doing a job, taking care of kids, keeping the house spotless, cooking - all on their own.

I respect women who get help, 'ask' men to take care of their share of chores, men have two hands and brains so I bet they can manage to do the dishes, laundry, cooking, and whatnot, it is not rocket science after all.

From what I hear there are crazy men out there who deny to own their share or laugh at men who they see cleaning dishes, I couldn't/wouldn't have survived with such an idiot, I don't know how women do that. But again, being financially independent gives you the flexibility, if you do not want to spend your life with such an idiot then you will always have a choice.

I respect women who do not take pride in sacrificing their dreams and aspirations or do not feel guilty in asking for sharing equal responsibilities.

I would say quit trying to be perfect, it is never going to happen.  As long as you are being yourself and trying your best, it is enough, you do not need to suffice to the expectations defined for the gender role (gender roles are history). Just like all the men in your life, you too have one life and at the end of this, there is no award for being perfect. There is, however, the satisfaction of having lived your life to the fullest, if you accept that you are flawed, just like everyone else and that there is nothing wrong with asking for the fair deal of sharing half responsibilities and speaking up that you will not suffice to gender roles.

To be continued...

Women: 2. The Housewife

This is the second part of the series. Earlier part - Part 1.

The Housewife

You have decided to be a housewife, okay, that is fine, but that does not mean it is something to be glorified. Just so you know I would have had the same opinion even if I was a 'housewife'. Someone sent me a forward that idolized the housewife, how she keeps the house clean, cooks and when her husband comes home all tired she welcomes him with a smile... something of that sort... you get the gist. If doing all this is making you happy, good for you! but again please don't glorify it.

From what I have seen women who go out and about, work in the real world are dealing with more prolific issues than if my bathroom sink looks spotless, they are facing more challenges, they are managing things better, most of them have their own share of responsibilities on the home front which they manage well too.

There are so many women out there that I have seen who manage a job, household chores, kids, exercise along with their hobbies. Just the other day one of my friend, working girl with kids, told me she wakes up at 4:30 every day to be able to achieve all of the above.

To be continued...

Women: 1. The professionals

This is the first part of the series.

The professionals

I believe the first most important thing for any woman is free thinking and second most is financial independence! A lot of women claim to want to be independent and then they do not do anything constructive about it. One cannot ever truly be independent until they are financially dependent upon father, brother, husband or son.

Since school days it never crossed my mind if I wanted to work - do boys ever think that way? No! It never crossed my mind that not working was also an option, all conscious efforts were taken in order to be able to work, to be able to earn, to be able to be independent. The girls that I grew up around were also very competitive and none of them ever mentioned that they might or might not work. ALL the girls from my school/ college group are working ladies. Some women get a good education in order to find a well-educated husband, that was never the case with me or the girls I grew up around.

I feel even if you are married to a well-to-do man still it is not the matter of whether you 'need' to make a living, it is a matter that you 'should' want to make a living and be able to support all your needs and wants - from buying groceries to owning a house (***there are scenarios where a person can not work - visa issues, health issues and I am not talking about these rare cases here).

Until we are dependent on a man for our well being, no matter how differently we think from him, we would never be able to take a step to make a change. Till we know we can cover the basic necessities ourselves, we will never be able to break the shackles of dependency. Working and earning for ourselves also gives a tremendous boost of confidence - I have seen this in men as well, men who act shy and awkward suddenly walk around with an erect spine as soon as they get a job, same goes for women. Working in the real world also makes one learn and grow as a person.

To be continued...

Health

I was fat, unhealthy and unfit. When I saw myself in the mirror or in photos, I cringed. How did I let myself go? I was low on energy/ stamina, catching something or the other in a loop. One day I felt ‘enough is enough, I need to take control of my health and not let my health control me’. Human bodies are magical, if you put your mind to it, it isn’t hard to achieve health.

I am not the top of the game as I write this, but I have come a long way. I have come down from 179 pounds to 132, from feeling sick and lethargic every day to a lot better. I feel healthier, fitter, slimmer and lighter than before. Physical health also improves ones' mental health (it goes the other way round too).

I did not run marathons nor did I starve myself. I just incorporated regularity in my exercise schedule and a personal pledge to eat right.

It would be nice if more and more people exercised, did some sort of work out. You don't have to make it to a triathlon or become a weightlifter. Do whatever you like. But exercise.

Recently I read an article that fitness and health are two different things, fitness indicates athletic qualities, people who can play a sport for 4-5 hours every day are fit but might be popping a hundred pills a day of various kind, fit people are not necessarily healthy - physically and mentally, what I strive and work for is health.

The feeling of health is one that cannot be matched. It is only after you start working out, that you realize how underutilized the human body is. On the first day, you might feel devastated to realize that your magnificent looking or feeling body is actually not capable of lifting even five pounds. But after a few days of training, you will be amazed at how the body does exactly the same things with absolute ease. And such a realization is a triumph.

If you have made your way towards signifying and prioritizing exercise in the routine then you are building a healthier future. You will see the prominent effects of exercising, your body will be beautiful from within. A beautiful heart, beautiful lungs, an absolutely stunning vascular system! And although your hair will grey and skin will wrinkle, your smile will be free of worries and your life - free of disease!

Happy Memories

Every time I go back home (in India, yes, that is still home for me), unconsciously or consciously I am looking for my childhood and to relive those old carefree days! A doted upon, spoilt brat with not a care in the world!  But now I have made peace with the fact that life is forever in continuous motion. I cannot bring back the days that have passed. But I can smile and relive them in my heart and be thankful that my life is filled with happy memories. 

Thought of the day

Sleep early. 

Eat Healthy. 

Exercise. 

Travel. 

Try new activities. 

Overcome fears. 

Be patient.

Talk less. 

Listen more. 

Live in the present. 

Don't compare. 

Don't complain. 

Don't explain.

Be generous. 

Work smart. 

Be green. 

Be thankful. 

Look at the positive. 

Ignore and avoid the negative. 

AND Shop less. Save more.

Video Blog Entry 3: Ghibli

Ghibli Films -

Girl Code

Never hate a woman you have never met.

Never date a friend's ex. Unless you don't want her as your friend.

Never reveal another female's secret.

Never leave an inebriated friend alone at a bar.

Never invite a friend's enemy to the party. You gotta stay together to survive the war :-).  

Never dine alone with a friend's boyfriend or husband. Unless she is dead.  

Never stay quiet when a friend is falling for an asshole. You will be cleaning the mess later anyways.  

Never trust a girlfriend who dates a married man or never trust a girlfriend who is having an extra-marital affair. There are simply no excuses.  

Never give constructive criticism in public. Give it to her in person.  And most importantly -

Never treat other women disrespectfully. It gives men ideas.

Different Crazy

I did crazy things in school, junior college (and honestly all throughout my life) - I slept under the last bench, sometimes I left the class from the back door, went to other colleges with friends instead of attending my own lectures, I don't even remember the crap topics I discussed with friends, I was kicked out of the class many times because I talked non-stop with friends or played games like hangman during lectures.

I also never stood up for anything, I had no courage whatsoever - if someone said something nasty to me then I would shed some tears without saying a word to them, or when 13 reasons why  happened I kept quiet without going to the authorities or speaking about it to anyone. Today I handle things differently. I am more rebellious and outspoken than the 'good old days'. I am no longer the silently-suffering-sorta-woman. I am more thick-skinned now (probably it is because of more layers of fat than thick skin, so to say :-))

If say, I was meeting with a childhood friend, who hasn't met me in all these years, and they judge me based on my past craziness and keep talking about it - then I wouldn't really like that because it is old news, I am still crazy but in new ways. People still call me crazy when I talk at length about things like gender equality or atheism.

If I look back at my past then I do not recognize that disillusioned person anymore, I do not relate to or understand that naive person either. Today I am nothing like what I was then - dumber or wiser is irrelevant here. I see childhood friends meeting and constantly talking about their wacky childhood stories and then some also judge people based on history. People grow up, they change their plans/ opinions/ habits/ behavior.

All I want to say is - do not judge anyone based on their past - I hear Agni Sharma became Valmiki later on.

Don't get me wrong, everyone is still crazy but they are 'different crazy' if you really want to then base your judgment on their new madness!

Reliable

I appreciate a lot of different things in people, one of them is - Reliability.

I feel we need to stand by our promise/commitment. We are as good as our word. And just in case if we are not able to then, we need to inform concerned parties about the change in plans beforehand.  It is good to be considerate and also take accountability for our word. If you ask someone to meet with you at a certain time/day then it is a good habit to make a note of it in your calendar immediately, we can not tell them last minute 'oh you are waiting for me? but I left for shopping'.

I feel it is okay to say NO.  Also for the receiving party invite it is easier to hear 'no' than to go through the disappointment and frustration that we will bestow upon them by saying 'yes' and then not showing up/ or taking care of something that we said yes for. 

Video Blog Entry 2: Shyam Benegal

Another Video log entry... hope you like it.