Saturday, September 15, 2018

You deserve it!



For things to turn out the way we want to we need to make right decisions, and we can make right decisions when we make a lot of bad decisions and learn from them. A lot of people take the responsibility for ALL the bad decisions, they never blame God, planets, their parents or anyone if things do not go their way in life but when they arrive at success they tag it as luck, fortune or someone's blessings. And there are also people who tag others' success as luck, fortune, blessings. If you belong to this category, this post is for you.
I feel everyone has a choice to do or not to do something. No one can force you to do anything [unless you are at gun point!]. If you choose to do something that you do not want to then you are either not audacious enough to stand up for yourself or have a good reason for doing it [which again makes it - your choice!]  

If we are ready to take responsibility for the 'bad' that happens to us and say that 'yes, it was my choice', it makes me wonder why can't we own up to the 'good' that happens to us as well? I am not saying one needs to be ungrateful for everything that they have but it is just a thought, that if we are responsible for all the bad, then we should be responsible for all the 'good' equally. {I am not talking about the basic good things like the family/ background/ money that you are born with but the later stages}. 

If you see someone doing well, realize that they have arrived there by going through hardships, by going through a series of bad decisions, it didn't happen overnight.
We should not label things as 'luck' (myth), 'good fortune' (doesn't exist) or 'blessings' (bullshit).
Why can't we just say that - Yes! I deserve it!  or Yes! You deserve it!  We sure as hell have no problem saying it when something 'unfortunate' happens. 
Thoughts?

Saturday, September 08, 2018

Angela's Ashes


 
 
A man dies leaving 9 kids for his wife to take care of, there isn't much money left for them to survive. There is poverty, no food, hardly any clothes to wear, one kid dies because of malnutrition, the wife is devastated. I did not tell you the story of the book, that is the story of my grandmother. We all have heard a similar story, from someone or the other. But here is the thing, my grandmother (Maai as we called her) was no Angela. She took control of the situation, worked in people's houses as a maid, every kid did a little bit something to provide for the family - sewing, cooking, my father worked as a typist.

Here is my problem with Angela's Ashes, I can not identify with people who sit in a corner and blame their horoscope, parents, siblings, government for the troubles they go through. I identify with Maai, the strong characters, who do not complain or whine, they take charge, they take action. And so I disliked the character Angela in this book. I like stories of fighters, I identify with them. (But the truth of the matter is we all have been an Angela sometime or the other and many Angelas exist around us).

I started reading this book because everyone I talk to books about has read it, I kept reading it thinking Angela will spring into action now. But 500 pages is quite a wait.

This is a heart wrenching story of hungry kids and the reason why it works is because the way it is told, it is quite light and bright and unique, I had a smile all throughout the book, no wonder it won the Pulitzer prize. From what I gather it is not fiction but a memoir.

My rating is 3/5.
 

Saturday, September 01, 2018

Vanity Femininity


Were you told since childhood to be tough to be taken seriously and be able to stand shoulder to shoulder with a man? and tough means don't waste your time on vanity, wearing a lipstick is a waste of time. I don't know about you but I was told this by many. I never understood how dressing a certain way would reflect my intellect/ strength or merit.

I have seen well dressed, well-done-hair women with makeup, totally own an important office meeting, or bowl over in an intellectual discussion/argument, come first in exams, when they work, behave or open their mouth they deliver. Wearing dresses, skirts, makeup does not take away from a woman's intellect or strength. Women are vulnerable, emotional, compassionate and at the same time tough irrespective what they choose to wear.

I feel I belong in dresses and skirts more than in pantsuits. And overall I am very feminine in my dressing, actions, reactions, feelings. Your version of femininity might be different from mine, whatever your version of femininity is - embrace it. Do not let anyone tell you that you need to dress a certain way to be taken seriously . Our femininity is not our weakness. Dressing or behaving like a man does not necessarily imply that one is powerful.

If you have followed my blog then you might already know that I am a vocal feminist, and yet I don't think dressing/looking/behaving like a man 'on purpose/ without our wishes' is a way to go about it. The whole point of feminism is, yes - we are different from you and yet we are equals...

Saturday, August 25, 2018

Success

 
What exactly is success? Money? Fame? Career? Peace of mind?
 
When someone says 'oh you are so successful', what does it really mean? Can't success mean different things for every individual. What someone defines as our success can very well be reflecting their own aspiration and/or dream. For you it might not mean as much as it would to the spectator of your life. So when someone says 'you are successful' it is their perception of our life and its stages.
 
When someone has reached a high level position at work A might say that that someone is so successful but might think that that someone is compromising on his health, family and mental peace which B has the luxury for, so he perceives that he might not be at a high level position but he is more successful than that someone. I think you get the gist.
 
And when one asks themselves 'am I successful?', would the answer ever be a 'yes'? If we are truly on the quest to be our best, then would we ever label any stage of our life as 'success'?  I have come to believe that success is a mirage, an illusion which doesn't actually exist.
 
 Thoughts?

Saturday, August 18, 2018

J. Krishnamurti

If you have beliefs then what do you have the intellect for?

I love the talks by philosopher, speaker and writer J. Krishnamurti.  Recently when talking to a relative I learnt that my great grandfather had a camaraderie with J. Krishnamurti, I found it quite fascinating and I wondered if my fondness for J. K. is genetic ;-)

Here is the link to one of my favorite talk by him - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYjYL448-yY

Saturday, August 11, 2018

Randomocity 8



1. At the end of the day, it is just a blog. You can dress it up with how ever many advertisements as you want or fill it with how ever many pretty photos of yourself, but until there's a true passion driving it and some sort of point, it's always going to be just another shallow, insignificant part of the internet.


2. Our ecosystem relies on a self-regulating balance of predators and prey. This system worked well with humans and their prey until we began inhumane farming practices that compromise the well-being of animals, the health of humans and the health of our planet. If you eat non veg then opt for organic meat - the key requirements of organic meat are -

•Animals be raised organically on certified organic land
•they must be fed certified organic feed
•No antibiotics or added growth hormones are allowed and
•All animals have outdoor access

Saturday, August 04, 2018

Randomocity 7



1. Every time I visit India I see Americanization of the country. Pubs, clubs, music, movies, clothing, dress lengths, influence of English, consumerism... everything is Americanized. They are all very convenient and easy things that have been accepted by the Indians.

The hard things that need to be ingrained from the Americans would be their work ethics, punctuality, honesty, cleanliness, organization skills, innovation, providing for yourself from an early age and some driving sense.

I wonder when would India be Americanized in a true sense!


2. How would a world be when we are not known as engineers or artists, fat or thin, good or bad, right or wrong? We simply be what we are and we live...


3. Numerous animals are killed to satisfy taste buds of humans, providing for our fashion statements should be the last thing animals are killed for. I understand that for many of us branded handbags/shoes/belts (like Louis Vuitton, Prada, Gucci, Coach) are a status-style-andWhatNot symbol but still check out this video to gain some insight on where leather comes from - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcVDSSqdkFs


4. Summer bodies are made in winter and winter bodies are made in summer... go hiking, biking, running, jogging, play a sport... enjoy the outdoors and also workout.

5. What I truly don't get is the concept of "what's in" and "what's out"! I won't lie, I do read a lot of fashion blogs but I shop only on the basis of personal preference and good fit.

Here's a thought - Everything we wear doesn't have to be 'in-fashion' but definitely has to be 'in-perfect-harmony' with our personality and body type.

Saturday, July 28, 2018

Mulling Over Marriages


For over thousands and thousands of years, two absolute strangers used to get married (this is still happening in many parts of the world) and many today out of love take the decision to become part of each others' happiness and troubles. When you look at a couple interact with each other you will know if they mend and blend with each other, if they were so to say 'made for each other' or 'made to be without each other'. Cheesy... but true.

When I look at some married couples I wonder how are these people still together... One of them is positive, happy, full of life and the other one is negative, hurtful - mentally/emotionally/physically, or is simply toxic. How does one live around this kind of a person 24/7? You can see that the other person would have been so much happy without her/his partner. Isn't it easier to live independently than to be living in a toxic marriage? Is divorce such a big deal in such scenarios? Some people stay on... for the sake of kids... I don't know how does it help the kids to be living with parents who don't get along, who are unhappy and who are living independent lives under one roof.

If people from this scenario get divorced then great... happiness is a choice and you made it.
And then there are some who get divorced... way too casually. Within two months of married life they get divorced saying 'oh he watches too much TV'. Okay!!! but you were in a relationship for years and out of them few years in a live in relationship, you didn't realize it at that time? How can a person be just right for you for such a long time and then within two months you realize he is all wrong? Getting divorced for lame reasons without trying to make it work is also quite lame (I feel), never enter a marriage thinking you can ignore the behaviors now and change them later, because how would that work? Would you change your habits just because you signed a document?

Third scenario is where the couple just gets along without too many efforts, they fit like a jig-saw puzzle, their fights are quite a scene to watch too, they argue and next minute they are again best friends as if the argument never happened. They ignore the tiny ripples and move on. It is quite amazing to see such couples and how closely they get involved and how everything about their lives get intertwined with each other. Their finances, professional decisions, inter-personal relationships which once, were independent of each other, get practically woven together... so tightly that the threads can barely even be seen! I find it quite an endearing phenomenon specially since human beings are essentially selfish so how does their pain and suffering unite with this one person? And then they spend rest of their lives trying to make each other's life a little easier, happier and fuller! 

Saturday, July 21, 2018

WhatzApp Message...


You know sometimes we get these stupid forwards which are sent without thinking it over twice... I received one such forward -

It said "Our generation is becoming so busy trying to prove that women can do what men can do that women are losing their uniqueness. Women weren't created to do everything a man can do. Women were created to do everything a man can't do."

What a blunder of statement!

When you say 'Women weren't created to do everything a man can do. Women were created to do everything a man can not do' - you are assuming that people and the whole existence was created and there is a creator with consciousness - who planned it out that this is how a man will look and this is what he will do - this is how a woman will look and these will be her tasks - that assumption in itself is so idiotic that I do not need to explain it further.. But I am still going to do that - Let us assume for a minute that there is a creator who had everything planned then you are assuming that a man was created first and the left-over tasks were assigned to a woman - Please tell me how was the man created in the first place if not from a woman's womb? - so let us rewrite the statement in a correct way (for fun as it still assumes that there is a creator) - a man was created by a woman to delegate things that she didn't want to do ;-)

Let's look at the next statement - 'Our generation is becoming so busy trying to prove that women can do what men can do that women are losing their uniqueness' - Women are not trying to prove that they can do what men can do, because it doesn't need to be proven! Second thing is why would anyone want to prove that they can do what a man can do? - you are posing it here as if men are doing something extra ordinarily awesome that is completely out of reach of the other gender, well, you are not. Our generation of women are just rebellious enough to grab opportunities which were always rightfully ours- equally.

Differences in brain physiology between sexes do not necessarily relate to differences in intellect. Although men have bigger brain size which is partly explained by their bigger bodies, women have greater cortical thickness, cortical complexity and cortical surface area (controlling for body size) which compensates for smaller brain size. If you were checking IQ test papers with no names on it then you wouldn't be able to tell the race, color, sexual orientation nor gender from the results. Two people can have same IQ - irrespective of anything.

Also what kind of uniqueness are we talking about in the statement? that women can give birth? or are more emotional than men? Taking care of household things can not be an uniqueness because it needs two hands to take care of things and men who have hands should be able to take care of it too, unless they lack brain power to do simple mundane tasks like dishes or are physically so weak that they can not gather the energy to move around and take care of chores - that would explain their bulging paunch by the way!


People call me a 'feminist' and I hate the word feminist, just to make it clear - I am not a feminist - I love both sexes, in fact men more so (as I feel quite attracted to them and have spent hours thinking about them;-)), I am not a feminist, I am just an equalist. I never liked hearing men are better than women at anything and I don't want to do that disservice to the other sex.

But do I really think all the men are my equal? No. They are not. Some are better, some are equal and some are different (just being diplomatic).

Do I really think all the women are my equal? No. They are not. And the same logic as above applies.
Are two men equal in their strengths and weaknesses? No. Are two sexes equal in their strengths and weaknesses? No. Are two women equal in their strengths and weaknesses? No. But they do deserve an equal opportunity to try everything, to get what they rightfully deserve (that means if a job is dependent on a test result then whoever tops the list should get it) and an equal reward for a work well done... and not judging anyone based on gender roles which were defined over a thousand of years ago... And that's the point of equalism (in my books).

Saturday, July 14, 2018

Death


I think about Death sometimes, I don't lose my sleep over it, nor do I think about it in a sad or depressing way but just as an inevitable end to the journey called life. You may think I am crazy to be talking about death but I am still going to put forward my thoughts on death.

I don't know when and where it is going to happen for me but let's face it that one can never ever be 'prepared' to face it. I wonder if anyone would miss me or if it would make a difference to anyone's life. Yes, we do live in a bubble of self importance :-). The truth is that people will carry on without each one of us, just fine. Because people die. They will miss us and then they will go on with their day. What else are they going to do? In the beginning they might think of us everyday and then a few times in the year and slowly the memory will fade, resurfacing only when scratched.

What happens to the 'me' once the body is gone, or is it just the body that is all to our existence? There is no point in thinking about it, because all there is to our existence is this body, just telling you the scientific fact. And since there is no God, no Yamaraj, no soul and the theory of reincarnation is bullshit too, so death is ultimately the full stop.

I think of those who once lived. I think about my grandmother... Few days before she died she kept her head on my lap and cried, calling me with my nickname again and again. Did she want to say something to me? Had she seen her end coming? Today when I think about it I feel she was in a state of panic - of leaving everything and everyone behind, of separating from the loved ones. The memory of her death makes me sad till date.

Can one ever be content with how much ever one has lived, experienced or gathered? or one always feels greedy to see more and experience more? I worry about my near and dear ones, I never want to lose any of them.

Sometimes I think about not just the death of people and animals but also death of our Sun. When our Sun dies would any life in the universe (if there is any) know that there once lived a Sun who gave birth to such amazing and beautiful creatures?

I am not 'scared' of death per say but I am scared of suffering or of being incapacitated in old age. I do not want to be a burden on anyone. My biggest dream is to die swiftly, without pain, without going through a shock or a panic attack, as if I am simply fading away in deep sleep. And till then I plan to live, work, exercise and have fun each day.

If there was no death, we were immortal, and there was no end to learning and working then wouldn't one get bored with doing the same things over and over again? The knowledge of death, the thought that there is an end to all of it makes me enjoy every day with utmost enthusiasm.

I want to say that I’ve lived a reasonably good life. Many live in poverty and severe conditions, and a lot die even before they turn twenty. So I can say that I have lived better and longer than many.

Many spend their entire life being toxic and then towards the end they suddenly realize that the end is near and they don't want to be remembered as being toxic and then they mend their ways, that is not how I want to live, don't get me wrong, it does not mean I take crappy treatment from anyone or let people walk all over me, I stand up and am harsh when it is needed. I haven't and will not hurt any living soul intentionally, be it even animals and that is how I want to continue until I die.

When it is time to go I do not want to say I lived how people wanted me to and never actually lived my own life, so I live my way, by my rules, I spend each minute how I want to, I do not live by society's norms, I do not do things because I fear people's criticism, criticizers are just a bunch to unhappy and hypocrite people reflecting their own mental status on others, so never mind about them, they are not worth spending time over.

My default mental status is at peace with myself and with the world,  and that is exactly how I want to be when I leave the world. I want to go without any regret or grievance against anyone.