Saturday, October 12, 2019

People Pleaser

It is human nature to want to fit-in, to belong, to be part of the ‘in’ crowd. A lot of you would accept (at least to yourself) that you are people pleasers.

I, amongst many others that I know, do not spend time on pleasing people because

1. I am okay with being disliked,

2. People have bizarre kind of expectations and objections, even though they never are up to the mark themselves. I am sure you have been through situations where you thought that people can have such nonsensical expectations and objections? I will give you one example, I took my own blankets and pillow to someone's house for a sleepover, because I wasn't sure if they would have enough for so many guests coming over to their house that too in winter. Can you guess what the host gossiped about me... that I carried my own blankets, while they should have been happy that I was considerate. I till today laugh at the whole thing... how bizarre can people's objections and observations be... It in a way shows how people need to grow up.

Anyway, the point is it is impossible to please all the people all the time, and some negative people can never be pleased whatever you do, a lot of people lack empathy. We should rather do our own thing and some will be pleased at least some of the times ;-). 

If everyone likes you, then someone is definitely lying to you :) Do not feel the need for anyone’s approval and be undeterred by people’s opinions. Be clear about what you like and dislike, the kind of people you would want to meet and not meet. 

There are so many better things one can do with the time that they have, be it as trivial as taking a nap.…or read/write/paint or be around amazing people than to spend time on fulfilling bizarre expectations.

As they say ‘You can not be afraid to not be liked. This fear limits you from being ALL of you’. I just want to live being me and be able to do things according to the circumstances and situations in life without being worried about what people are expecting from me or what are they objecting about. 

I do not have any intention of wasting this short presence on earth thinking about trivial objections, life is so vast, so BIG, there is so much one can do with their time. I feel being a people pleaser restricts us from creating what we want to create and do what we want to do.

Saturday, October 05, 2019

Expectations!

I have the least possible expectations of people. It doesn't mean I have given up on mankind. It only means that I like to give everyone some space to be whoever they want to be and whatever they want to do. It is not easy but not impossible either. Every time I feel a 'grudge' or 'bitterness' growing inside me, for someone failed me or didn't live up to my expectation, I tell myself 'everyone is doing the best they can!', I also like to cut people some slack, for example, if I am visiting someone and they are not welcoming enough or not the perfect hosts then I understand and say 'it's okay, they have kids to take care of and busy, stressful lives to be asking for attention'. I don't whine about it.

There is already so much stress in life, simply to even exist, why add to the drama with unnecessary expectations? The problem arises when people do not realize that they themselves were never up to the mark and express their grudge against you for not living up to their expectations - meaning they would expect a birthday card from you even though they themselves never wished you on your birthday. Lame example. But that is how lame expectations are.

Anyway, I think you get the gist, before you blame people for not doing something, ask yourself if you had done anything for them, also cut some slack - people go through ups and downs, depression, sickness, newborns, crazy work schedules, various phases and basically people have issues that you don't know about - think from their perspective before you jump to conclusions - give them benefit of doubt. It will give you some peace of mind...

Saturday, September 21, 2019

Joke


(Do not want to portray women as stereotypical. I am sharing a joke, take it for what it is)
A young Indian man excitedly tells his mother that he has fallen in love and that
he is ready to get married.


He says, "Just for fun,  Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and
guess which  one I'm  going to marry."  The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them
down on the couch and they all chat for a while. He then  says, "Okay Ma, guess
which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one on the right."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

The Indian mother replies, "I don't like her." 

Saturday, September 07, 2019

What makes us happy?

They are right when they say happiness is just a state of mind. And yet I do feel agitated, anxious, stressed, sad and unhappy at times, over the years I have figured out six things that keep me in my default happy status -
  1. First and foremost is good health. If I have bad health, I stop being myself, I stop enjoying anything that goes around me. Any ailment, however trivial, deducts from my happiness. So I work hard on staying healthy - as much as I can. Bad health is also a waste of time... already in our short lifespan.
  2. Second is, being able to earn. Working and mainly earning for myself gives me a sense of pride, joy, and confidence. I saw a shift in my personality after I finished my masters and started earning. I have seen this happening with other people as well, shy and introvertish people start walking with an erect spine as soon as they start earning.
  3. Money, in general, does provide happiness because it provides for your basic comforts, for recreation—travel, holidays, hobbies or in time of ill-health. A couple of years ago there was an article based on research conducted by Princeton University - on how much money one needs to earn to be happy and the magic number was 75,000$ per year (for the USA). I guess the number would vary for people living in different states/cities and also the number of dependents in the house etc. Money has a dangerous and unhappy side to it if it turns into greed.
  4. The fourth is definitely family, friends, and people, being around them makes me happy. Companionship, camaraderie, socializing is rejuvenating, but at the same time, I stay away from the negative people as it robs me of my peace of mind.
5. The fifth is hobbies. I feel a void, big dent in my life if for some reason I am not able to spend time on stuff that I like to do, be it reading, writing, painting, dancing, biking or being with nature.
I feel going to clubs or parties every single weekend, gossiping, criticizing, watching TV constantly, or just being a lazy bum is a criminal waste of time. Social service and such also provides happiness. Basically, it’s important to concentrate on something that keeps you occupied meaningfully.

6. And last but not least is sunshine... Places like Seattle - which are constantly cloudy - are not meant for me. I felt low, gloomy and depressed in Seattle. I see a whole new shift in my mood and energy since I moved to the Bay Area. I feel back to my own self.

Sunday, September 01, 2019

Video Log - Traditions

I keep making youTube videos on various topics, this one is about traditions.


Saturday, August 31, 2019

Blogging



Blogging is a tricky medium. There is no guarantee that your post will be taken in the spirit that it was intended, it can be misunderstood by someone or the other.


I do not share names so there is no way to tell who it is written about or if it really happened (could very well be a figment of imagination). Also, I have had all sorts of experiences sad, bad, ugly, good, ecstatic and whatnot, I have known many vampires/ bullies/hypocrites/gossipmongers/male chauvinist pigs/negative/ beautiful/positive/amazing/ smart/intelligent/ warm/ welcoming/ terrific people. So the opinions expressed here are not based on one person or one thing, it can not be.

If the blogger is being sarcastic some may think they were upset or angry, sharing your opinions on human behavior can turn into debates as people might think you were targeting them, if you are making a valid point some will ignore the point and argue about something trivial that was expressed in the post and how it hurt them.

I have learned that no matter how clear, valid and simple we keep the posts there will always be an element of perception and interpretation, which again is subjected to the people who are reading it, their backgrounds, experiences, culture and sometimes their relation to me. I cannot control all this. So I have no option but to continue writing what I believe in. The only thing which is in my control is - I can make sure that the names are never mentioned anywhere, even my immediate family members do not know who I have written about (they have never asked me who the post was about too), there is never a personal vendetta or evil intended against anyone.

This blog is a reflection of my thought process, the opinions expressed here are not necessarily right or wrong, true or false it is simply my perception and interpretation of the world around me.

Saturday, August 24, 2019

5 life lessons


Five life lessons that I have learned -

1) You can not please everyone.
Personally, I have seen that people have bizarre expectations. A lot of people are hypocrites and someone or the other will always get offended by what you do. Might as well do what makes you feel comfortable, happy and healthy.

2) Actions speak louder than words.
If there is something you wish to do, then do it first and talk about it later. Its always more fun listening to real-stories than the imaginary ones.

3) Life is short.
Great if you are adventurous and into daredevil sports but do not risk others lives because they might not recover from it. Ever! And if you are forced into doing something that you don't feel comfortable doing or don't have the nerve for then be strong enough to say no, doesn't matter if they call you a coward - I have experienced this firsthand, I broke my tailbone just because someone forced me to skate, it took me more than a year to heal from the injury, I had to take painkillers for one whole year otherwise the pain left me in tears each night. I didn't need to skate to show I wasn't a coward, I just needed to trust my intuition and should have said 'go to hell' (or whatever words I use when I am angry) - being aggressive/ vocal and upfront about what we want and do not want to do is much more courageous. Life is short. Do not make it shorter by being foolish.

The above does not apply just for adventures but anything in general. Remember you are an independent person, free citizen of a free nation. You alone are responsible for your health, well being, mental well being, people you want to hang out with or any decisions that you make. People will try to use bad-harsh-unpleasant words, thinking you will be manipulated that way. Let people bark. It doesn't matter. Trust your intuition. Stand up for yourself and if it comes to that then yell, scream make sure that you are heard and there are boundaries that people do not dare to cross.

4) Financial Independence is important.
Until you are dependent upon someone else for your 'survival', you will never truly be your own person.

5) Happiness is a choice.

And that means one needs to choose what we do in our lives, with our time, who do we hang out with, the kind of lifestyle we live - it is all a choice, happiness is a choice. 

Saturday, August 17, 2019

Our Best

 
 
I work out every day for 60 minutes. Aerobics, Weight lifting, Pilates, Yoga, Hiking, Biking, Dance, Kickboxing and whatnot,  still I am not content because I never think I am doing enough. I should be doing more.
 
I prepare most of my meals. I spend around 60 minutes each day in the kitchen on meal preparations.  I eat simple and fresh food. I eat fruits, nuts for snack time. I also consume all my meals before 7 pm and I follow this successfully 9/10 times, the 10th meal I give up, I end up eating restaurant food, desert, junk food and such. 9/10 successful meals... and yet I think it is not good enough. I should be doing more. 
 
While I know this feeling of 'needing to do more' will never go away but again it helps me to push myself and never give up. It helps me to stay motivated. 'Not doing enough' feeling doesn't have to translate into disappointment, it can also be translated into not giving up and pushing ourselves. 
 

When I started working out (I have been working out ever since I remember), my life was at a different stage. When I started blogging (2006?) it was at a different stage. And today (2019) it is at a different stage. With every stage, the challenges have changed and I am sure you have been through various stages/ phases - good bad and the ugly. But as long as we keep doing 'our best' and continue to focus on getting better, I guess we are doing enough. 

Saturday, August 03, 2019

Lead By Example



I seldom give any weight to someone's opinion unless I respect them in 'that' particular field. If I like your body - health - mental status then I will listen to your fitness-diet tips. There are people who are double my size  - who have given me diet/ weight suggestions/advice.

Doesn't matter if you hold a doctorate in nutrition/ health or diet. First, prove it to me that you have got it under control in your life and then you shall have my 100% attention :-)...

Don't get me wrong, I love to improve myself, I love pieces of advice, but say if my mother gives me advice on weight and diet then I would happily take it because she has been in shape forever, her diet is perfect, ever since I remember I have seen her exercise every.single.day, and even after having 3 kids she has a flat belly - she holds the credibility to give a piece of advice...

Or I would happily take a piece of advice on behavior and worldly wisdom from my father, he is one of the best people I have known in my life. But if toxic, negative and just bad people start to find faults in anyone/anything, I can not help but wonder why don't they spend that time in introspection.
I think you get the gist...Lead by example...


The world is changed by our example, not by our opinion.