Friday, January 21, 2022

Code breaker

 My new video post - 



Saturday, January 15, 2022

The Tradition




There once lived a man, he had a cat.
Whenever the man did puja his cat got 
all excited, she jumped on the plates 
he used for puja and drank the milk he had placed 
as an offering for the god.
The man had to get up a hundred 
times during the puja to put the cat 
away.
One day he decided enough is enough
and started to tie her on a leash
in the corner. 

Years passed by, the man got married,
had kids, when the kids were a
little older they started to tie the cat 
in the corner before the puja started.
One day the man died and the kids 
started doing the puja,
then the cat died and they got a new 
cat because a cat needed to be tied in
the corner during the puja.
The man probably assumed that 
his kids will know why the cat had 
to be in the corner.
Generations passed and the man’s 
descendants were still tying a cat
in the corner before puja. 

I just told you the story of all our 
traditions.
we follow them without asking -
when and under what circumstances 
did this tradition begin?
Why am I following this?
is it important and relevant 
in today’s time?

Rakshabandhan is the tradition 
that I want to talk about today,
where a girl does aarti of all her 
brothers and ties a thread on
their wrists asking them to protect 
her, and then the brothers give 
her gifts, and the brothers 
apparently need a reminder about 
this once every year. Quite a tradition.

This tradition started when women 
were distinctly seen as inferior 
sub-humans, 
who would stay confined 
at home, behind a veil, cook, 
produce children,
take care of the in-laws and entertain 
their husbands.

They were not allowed to get an 
education or go out and work.
So if something had to go wrong 
with their husband or marriage 
then they were financially 
dependent on other men in 
their family. 

I don’t need to tell you this but 
Women since then have
challenged the stereotype,
they have stepped out, surpassed in 
education and employment.
They have asserted their independence,
opinions, financial freedom
and are demanding equal treatment. 

And yet we are following a tradition 
which is a reflection of women’s
dependence, helplessness and 
something that started because
they had no other option. 

I have discussed this with many 
women around me and some said
‘but this has to be followed, this is our 
tradition,
We can not follow things just because 
our ancestors did it,
because we today are more evolved 
and advanced species than
what they were and it is only natural 
to do things in a more
evolved and advanced way.

some women said this is how we 
show love for our brothers’.
Respect, caring and understanding 
shows love in any relationship,
you don’t need to tie any damn 
thread to show love.
Just like you don’t have to celebrate 
valentine’s dayto prove that you love 
your partner.
And some women I talked to also 
went on to say that they don’t
care because they love the gifts they 
get on Rakshabandhan.
Ladies, if you haven’t noticed then
women are earning their own gifts,
it is high time that you
start doing that too.

Let’s see how many little girls will 
choose to tie a rakhi after
hearing what tying a rakhi implies. 
it implies that a female cannot fend for 
herself and is dependent
upon her brother to protect her and 
it implies that she is weak and
incapable
of being independent. 

There are other such festivals like  
“Bhau Bij” when the sister prays
for the
long life of her brother and Padava 
when a wife does aarti of her husband.
Don’t you see a pattern here? there are 
no such festivals when
brother prays
for sister’s long life, or a man does 
his wife’s aarti. 

I wonder If the women from the past 
came to life somehow
what will they think
of today’s women? Wouldn’t they feel 
proud that we have surpassed
so many obstacles
and have achieved so much, reached 
places even been to space?
Or will they feel proud that we are still 
following a tradition that reflects
woman as a helpless dependent being?

rather than blindly following a 
tradition one needs to understand
what the tradition
stands for, what is its origination, 
what is the message that it conveys,
is it relevant today
and are we following something 
regressive? 

If we have to then we need to leave
traditions for the next generations
that are a reflection
of today’s society, we need to send a 
relevant message for them that
women are strong,
independent, free, we earn our own 
gifts and we are capable to protect
ourselves,
our family and for that matter our 
society. 

Before you celebrate Raksha Bandhan 
next year Think about it.
This change needs to happen. 
If not now, when? And if not you, who?

Saturday, January 08, 2022

The Cooking Chromosome



“Rasikaaaa how will you find a husband if you don’t know how to cook?”
a man once asked me out of concern. 
I panicked, I didn’t know it was a prerequisite to get married.
And I was so angry with my parents because, well,
they always told me to make a career, make a living, be independent but
never told me to learn how to cook.

A woman once told me “Rasika, You better learn how to cook,
because the way to a man’s heart goes through his…. stomach,”
yes, she said stomach, I don’t know what you were thinking. 

A way to a man’s heart goes through his stomach, you must
have heard that before. I obviously ignored her as who even wants
to marry such a shallow person whose heart revolves around
his stomach?

I think you get the gist of what I am trying to say. 

I often wonder why is there so much pressure on women to cook? 

I wondered if women are born with a cooking gene? It can not be
genetic for sure, because I and many women I know are
definitely not born with that gene. So I thought it must be some
sort of brainpower that can only be acquired by women?
Like you know, learning multiple languages is not
everyone’s cup of tea. But It can not be that too because most of the
rich and famous chefs around the world are men. So there is
neither a cooking gene nor a cooking chromosome.

So I don’t know why women are socialized to see
cooking as their role? The problem with gender roles is that it
prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are.
It prescribes what we should be doing rather than recognizing
what we want and do not want to do.

today women are pilots, doctors, engineers, scientists, police,
construction workers, astronauts, teachers. Women have
reached everywhere, but what is it about men that they
are not able to reach a room called a kitchen in their very own house?

I always thought that at this age We should celebrate
being women and having the opportunities to do things that our
grandmothers and great-grandmothers were not allowed to do.
Though now, of course, I realize that women are expected to do
the cooking, cleaning, childcare, chores along with their ambitions…
It is disheartening to see this happen. 

Men should be able to Realize that women are burdened with a lot,
they are equally tired as you are, they are equally looking for a
break as you are, and I am not even talking about equality here,
but it is basic humanity. 

Also, I feel Going to restaurants, having frozen food is not the
solution to this problem,  it won’t let you create better health and
body for yourself and your family. Fresh home-cooked food every
day for kids is going to build them a strong health foundation. 

This is 2019 and if you still think that it is a woman’s job to
cook, then you have some deep-rooted issues and it is high time
you address them. 

Now obviously there are many men who cook because many
people evolve, advance and progress with time, age and with the world.
But I have often seen that when a man cooks his wife’s attitude
is judged, their relationship is questioned. 

What I don’t understand is Why do people even notice it when men
are cooking? See, I do not like to cook but it is an important life skill that I had to acquire for better health.  
And what I have realized is cooking is comparatively an easy skill
to acquire, as long as you can see, have hands and can read and
follow basic instructions called recipes, you are good to go.
And many Men are intelligent enough to acquire these simple skills. 


So Why isn’t it still seen as perfectly normal and natural that
a man cooks, takes care of his own child, and takes care of chores
around his own house? 

There is nothing derogatory about cooking.
The ability to feed and nourish oneself and one’s family is
quite a noble task. So if a man is being responsible then
why is this behavior condemned?

Do you think that it is unmanly to cook?
I think it’s unmanly not to be able to cook. Because if you really
want to go for the archaic gender definitions then a man spends
time with his family, a man is independent, a man is healthy and
strong and a man provides for himself and others. 

History tells us that cooking is a woman’s job.
But what we do today is also going to be history for
the next generations, let's create an evolved history for them.
Let our kids see mothers and fathers both cook in the kitchen.  

And next time you see a man cook, remember that there is
nothing wrong with his wife’s attitude, or their relationship.
In fact, men who cook live in happy marriages because there is
less stress, better health, more family time, and more energy
left to do whatever they want to do.