3 in Science

One fine day something happened out of nowhere. 

That something created everything, it is the reason why we exist. 

I am talking about the big bang.

Was there space before the big bang? Or the big bang created the space? 

What exactly is space? Why is it there? What is the shape of the universe? 

Did it exist at one point in time and then something went wrong, everything collapsed and then the big bang happened again?

Are there multiple universes? And why not, if it could happen here then it might have happened somewhere else.

What if none of this had happened or existed ever? How does it make a difference because there is something? What is the purpose of existence?

It is frustrating as humans have the so-called 'intelligence' factor, so they want to have a purpose for everything. It is beyond us why would there be something without any goal, aim, purpose, or ambition. Also, it bothers us that there is a creation that has no creator, so we want to believe in a creator. Well, that fixes us in an endless loop of what created a creator with consciousness?

Would there ever be a time when scientists get closer to the answers? Maybe a billion years from now? Would humans even live that long to find out?

Reading books related to the science genre doesn't answer many of the questions that I have, in fact, many times it leads to having more questions than before. 

But I would rather die happily with unanswered questions than living a life with no questions or wonder or curiosity about existence. 

I would also rather read science to gain answers to my questions rather than visiting self-proclaimed enlightened masters who say they know the cosmic truth. 

Whatever that means. 

It will take me another post if I start talking about them so I will stick to the topic which is the top 3 books that I highly recommend in the science genre.

1. The Sun’s Heartbeat Bob Berman

The Sun will die one day, just like all the other stars do. Ever wonder what will happen when our Sun dies killing everything surrounding it and leaving the beautiful intelligent life that resides in this galaxy go extinct? Would the future 'aliens' ever know that there once lived a Sun that gave birth to such stupendous life forms who invented such extraordinary things like the social media :-) Or the knowledge of all our inventions will die with us?

Our hearts beat because the Sun's heartbeat is still intact. Maybe we will die before the Sun does, because of global warming, wars, population, pollution, maybe an asteroid hits the Earth or maybe we will kill each other before the Sun does in a dispute over the name of 'The Creator', in that case, we can't blame it on the Sun.

The book is about everything one would want to know about our life-giver and the Author's sense of humor makes it an excellent read.

2. A short history of nearly everything - by Bill Bryson

While reading each and every chapter I felt as if I am actually witnessing it. For example, while reading the first chapter I thought I am actually watching the birth of the universe, and then in the next chapter I was sitting on Pluto and watching everything in the universe pass by…

The book is fast-paced. It covers everything from the universe, cells, chemistry, dinosaurs, birds, evolution, volcanoes, and a lot more...

3. Physics of the impossible

Adjoining is a picture taken by the Hubble telescope. It shows thousands of galaxies that surround us. Each one having millions of stars and planets. There is a high probability that there is life somewhere in those 100+ billion galaxies. Is there anyone living far away who evolved as we did? Since Earth is a newborn compared to other galaxies is it possible that the life existing there is much more advanced and have also figured out the radio frequencies, space travel, and what not?
Would it ever be possible to contact them?

There were so many things tagged as impossible a century ago, such as man on the moon. There are many we still tag as impossible such as space travel and tele-transportation.
Ironically the word impossible itself says I am possible ;-).

The famous theoretical physicist Michio Kaku talks about these impossible things and how far scientists are in cracking the code in his book 'Physics of the impossible'.

Do you think a billion years from now humans will be hopping from planet to planet, populating (and polluting) everywhere around? One can only wonder or then read what these brilliant minds have to say!

Hatred

(There are many forms of hatred... some leading up to criminal activities... and obviously, I am not talking about such in this post, I only talk about things that are derived from my own life).

Have you ever heard anyone say "I hate Shahrukh Khan"?.

People who say that are.... very 'lucky'. Why? Because hate is a very strong feeling and only people who haven't experienced hate can use it so casually.

So what exactly is hate? Is it extreme dislike/ disrespect/ anger/rage - yes all of these are a part of hate but then we always have an option to avoid things that make us upset/ angry/ uncomfortable/ or feel negative, how in the world do we reach that extreme state of hatred? 

Let's say, you work under a manager who micromanages/ checks/ controls every single thing that you do, who demeans/ belittles/ disrespects and gossips about you. Have you ever reported to any such manager? No? Lucky Bastard! Because I have! He was beyond crazy... I had an instant dislike towards him and so did the other team members. My rage reached hatred only because... he held the power. I felt helpless/ powerless and I feared losing my job (and my visa) if I rebelled.

Only helplessness, powerlessness, and fear can cause hatred - which is an extreme emotion that can cause immense rage, anger, abhorrence, abomination, mental trauma, and intense levels of stress. I have experienced hatred a couple of times, I am not ashamed to admit it because hate is a justified reaction for a person tormenting us in the present, either physically or mentally, a person we are at the mercy of and either cannot free ourselves of, or at least believe that we cannot. As long as we are in such a state of dependency, or think we are, then hatred is the inevitable outcome. Hatred is a feeling, albeit a very strong and assertive one, I must tell you that it is the WORST feeling that I have experienced so far. I do not want to experience hate again...ever in my life.

From my experience hate is far stronger than love, it occupies your entire headspace, it affects your sleep, health, mood, and everything in a bad way. People are wrong when they say love and hate are the sides of the same coin... they are not... they are different coins altogether.  I might have parted ways with people I loved but I have never hated them... not even in my wildest dreams... love stays intact. I have only hated things that I disliked, to begin with... but had no option to free myself from... or so I thought.

So how does one get rid of hatred... well, the feeling fades away with time... but how does one deal with it when one is actually subjected to it?

Hatred is a logical consequence of what happened to us... it tries to tell us something about the injuries we have been subjected to, and also about ourselves, our values, our specific sensitivity. We must learn to pay heed to it and understand the message it conveys. If we can do that, we no longer need to fear hatred. I feel it is important to ask yourself whom your hatred is directed at, and recognize why it is in fact justified? Then we have a chance of living responsibly with our feelings.

If we hate some characteristics... let's say...hypocrisy, insincerity, male chauvinism, mendacity, micromanagement, or anything for that matter, then we grant ourselves the right to fight them wherever we can, or to withdraw from people who show those traits. But if we pretend that we are impervious to these things, then we are betraying ourselves. Just so you know I HAD NO COMPULSION TO HARM, ANYONE, BECAUSE OF MY FEELINGS OF HATRED, but there are people who do...

So step number one is to accept that what you are experiencing is hatred. Then you will get to hear that Rasika, try to be compassionate Maybe they were brought up in conventional/ orthodox/ cruel situations surrounded by male chauvinist pigs and so they are treating others the same way. hatred is a dangerous curse, it can poison an organism and we need to free ourselves of it as quickly as we can, forgive the tormentor, have some compassion, think about where does his behavior arise from....' Heard that before? Great speech! But it is...bullshit. 

Really, I don't care what circumstances people are brought up in, it can not be an excuse to treat people cruelly... Hell, I have no compassion for people who torment others...

And step number two is to take action, confront the tormentor. What kind of person would I be if I could not react, temporarily at least, to injustice, presumption, evil, or arrogant idiocy with feelings of anger or rage? Would that not be an amputation of my emotional life? I have learned to understand my feelings rather than condemn them, to regard them as friends and protectors instead of fearing them as something alien that needs to be fought against.

In all my hatred scenarios the person did not hold any power over me, but I thought they did, it was all in my head... so what if I hated my manager?  I could have changed jobs any day and in other cases, I had the option to burn the bridges and move on but I lingered on trying to save relationships, and trying to save people around me from being hurt and all that crap. I no longer do that. If I ever feel suffocated with a person/ place/ object I confront and move away from it. Nothing holds power over me anymore... no relationship or nothing for that matter is worth going through hatred.

One always has options. You are helpless only if you believe you are...you are powerless - only if you think you are. And yes it takes courage to fight the cause of our hate, our tormentor. It many times requires breaking relationships, hurting people around you, sometimes going against the tide. Confrontations are not a pleasant scene, at least not for me. There are many stages in my life that I consider as 'growing up' experiences, but every time I had to fight the cause of hate... head-on ...are what I consider my metamorphosis...

So bite your tongue next time when you say I hate Shahrukh Khan because you are not at a gunpoint to watch his movies...

Hatred is a nasty feeling and nothing in the world is worth going through it...don't fight the feeling but do fight the cause of it... 

Dawkins

Since I was little I asked many questions like why is there any existence, you know life, stars, planets, universe. What is the purpose of existence? Is there even a purpose? And How does it make a difference because there is something, what if there was nothing?

Why do people worship these idols? How come a figure with a human body and an elephant head is a known god in the East and the West has no idea about it, if they are gods then how come they didn’t make themselves known throughout the universe?

When I asked people 'if God made us then what made god', they looked at me as if I was an idiot. They told me that the creator created itself. And I wondered If something can create itself out of nothing then maybe there is a possibility that the universe could have created itself out of nothing, it is its own creator.

In my teenage years, I felt a disconnect with the world. Temples, churches, mosques, god, rituals, religions, prayers... 

I did not understand its necessity. And to be honest with you I felt inferior.  I felt as if I am one of these lowly creatures as I lacked the most important thing that drives the world - faith. 

I lacked faith and I still do. 

While believing strongly, without evidence, is considered a mark of madness or stupidity in any other area of our lives, faith in God still holds immense prestige in our society. 

Religion is the one area of our discourse where it is considered noble to pretend to be certain about things no human being could possibly be certain about.

(before I continue here is the definition of faith - Any belief that is devoid of logic, reason, rational, evidence or witness - is called faith.)

My teenage years were a frustrating phase for me as I was forced to take part in rituals and customs that I didn’t believe in and sadly I had no courage to speak about my lack of faith.

When I was around 19-20 one of my older brother introduced me to books by Richard Dawkins, When I read them it dawned on me that I wasn’t abnormal, but it is quite normal to wonder and ponder over the various aspects of existence and moreover to question the thousands of years old belief system. 

Then there was no looking back for me, I read all his books, and by many other scientists. Even though we learn science in school/ college I feel I started learning science and became interested in science in its true sense when I started reading books by Dawkins. reading books related to science (and not just textbooks) makes one realize the pettiness of religions, gods, wars and all that crap.

Yes, I am an atheist, I have no religion. Did Dawkins turn me into an atheist? No! I always was a non-believer. The only difference is now I admit it openly. And I feel atheism is a person’s default state. 

Every single person is born an atheist, every baby you meet is a non-believer, it has no clue whatsoever about the concept of god, if it is born in Arkansas then it is taught or pressurized to believe in one thing and if it is born in Kabul then it is taught or pressurized to believe in another thing.

Humans are the only animals with imagination, on planet Earth and the godly figures were born thousands of years ago through people’s imagination, through the stories that they told. I do not think that God created man but I believe that it is the man who created God.

So there is a possibility that thousands of years from now people might think that Harry Potter really happened. Maybe they will build temples of Harry Potter and burn Voldemort's effigy once every year like they currently do with Ravana.

I feel in awe of this technologically advanced world. There is so much intelligence around, I feel honored to even have coexisted the Earth with people like Dawkins and Hawking, but then I also see these overzealous, religious people who believe, follow and fight over thousands of years old traditions/scriptures/customs/rituals/gods and superstitions… 

Thousands of years ago humans were so primitive… all they could do was imagine and tell stories. and it really is perplexing for me to see that we still follow the customs/ rituals/ scriptures/ traditions/ superstitions/religions and gods created by these primitive people.

Don’t get me wrong, I have the utmost respect for people who are religious and so-called spiritual and in spite of that they are good humans.

I do believe that science will one day conquer all the ignorance in the world. It might not happen in our lifetime but all gods will die off one by one as their relevance outlives our evolving intellect.

I am sure I wasn’t the only kid who went through a frustrating phase, there are many more out there. All I can say is Encourage your kids to ask why, let them follow logic over thousands of years old beliefs, rather than trying to mold them let them just blossom, and make them learn science in its true sense.

And here are some great books by Richard Dawkins that I highly recommend.

The Selfish Gene, The God Delusion, The Blind Watchmaker, The Greatest Show on Earth, Ancestor's Tale and one of my favorite is 'the magic of reality'.

Random thoughts again

As the area of our knowledge grows so does our perimeter of our ignorance 

What’s bad for our ego is good for science 

If you are not actively dismantling patriarchy then you are factually benefiting from it. 

Updating just our wardrobe does not make us modern. Our ideology needs to catch up with our technology too. 

Anybody that does not see how phenomenal and beautiful you are and that does not value the fullness of you as you are essentially does not deserve to share space and time with you. 

Drawn in by my smile but repelled by my boldness.

New Video - Gotra system: the complex science

 

Random thoughts

The only common factor between all your failed relationships is you.
Quality means rethinking, reworking and polishing.

I miss a lot of people, but remember just a few. 

I remember what they do, what they like, where they went to school, what they said, their opinions, when are they celebrating their special days. 

Missing people is easy, remembering takes an effort. I guess I love those more who I remember. 

It is always the small actions that say more than what big words do. 
Stillness is often recommended in the form of pranayama and meditation, sit, lie on the floor and go into nothingness.

Stillness for me is not about focusing on nothingness, it is about creating a clearing and opening up an emotionally clutter free space and allowing myself to feel, dream, think and question. 

Mid life crisis - i feel it it not crisis but unraveling. A time when you feel a strong pull to live the life that you want to live rather than what you are supposed to live. It is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go what you are supposed to be but embrace what you are.

Worried about…

 

I am worried that people don’t talk anymore, forwards and emojis do not count for a communication or conversation.

I worry that people do not ask why, they follow beliefs superstitions faiths traditions without ever asking why.

I worry that people who sing well are rich and famous and people who think well, die poor.

I am worried about stupid , it is all around us.

I worry that we glorify stupid on tv shows, we watch shows like big boss and people’s stupidity entertains us. Shouldn’t it be something intelligent that entertains us? 

I worry that we as a society will make dumber and dumber decisions and there won’t be anyone to recognize these bad decisions or say anything about them.

My New video post - books by John brockman

 

Not small issues

Sometimes I feel women are going through a lot and what I talk about on this blog are all minor issues. Women are treated badly and the examples of women's issues that you will read on this blog are not of those who are not allowed to drive or leave the house without a man by their side. Because let's be honest I don't come from that world. I am treated as an equal in each of my relationships since childhood, and now I am at a stage in life where I don't keep the relationships in which I am not treated fair and square :-).

Most of the women that I hang out with belong to the exact same category, and yet I get to hear stories of misbehavior, gender bias and emotional torture by people - It is sad and disheartening to see this happen.

So yes, the points that I am bringing up are smaller compared to what women in the world are going through and yet I am opting to write about them because I can not sit on my arse and say 'it's okay, women are going through worse and these are just minor things'. These are not. These things are still torturous for women who live in my kind of world. They don't need to go through this hassle and emotional torture.

If you are in pain you will get to hear 'oh people go through worse, they go through cancer, brain tumor, what you are complaining about is nothing compared to that'. Well, people are going through worse does not take away the pain that you are experiencing. Does it? You will get a perspective about your pain but those words do not heal the pain. Similarly, women in the world are going through worse does not mean you too have to. As simple as that.

Sound of silence

 

Oh bondage! Up yours!

 Some people think little girls should be seen and not heard. But I think…

Here is the lyrics and meaning of one of my favorite songs - Oh bondage! Up yours!

Some people think little girls should be seen and not heard
But I think "oh bondage, up yours!"
One-two-three-four!

Bind me, tie me, chain me to the wall
I wanna be a slave to you all

Oh bondage, up yours
Oh bondage, no more
Oh bondage, up yours
Oh bondage, no more

Chain-store chainsmoke, I consume you all
Chain-gang chainmail, I don't think at all

Oh bondage, up yours
Oh bondage, no more
Oh bondage, up yours
Oh bondage, no more

Thrash, me crush me, beat me till I fall
I wanna be a victim for you all

Oh bondage, up yours
Oh bondage, no more
Oh bondage, up yours
Oh bondage, no more

Bind me, tie me, chain me to the wall
I wanna be a slave to you all

Oh bondage, up yours
Oh bondage, no more
Oh bondage, up yours
Oh bondage, no more

Bind me, tie me, chain me to the wall
I wanna be a slave to you all

Oh bondage, up yours
Oh bondage, no more
Oh bondage, up yours
Oh bondage, no more

Oh bondage, up yours
Oh bondage, no more!

------------------------------------------

The song is not about sex, but about consumerism: "Chain store, chain smoke, I consume you all / Chain gang, chain mail, I don't think at all!

In this one utterance, Styrene transformed a seemingly masochistic plea into an indictment of consumer culture, denouncing the blind impulses of the mainstream shopper. In depicting herself as both an agent of and resister to her submission, she created a parody of both positions, juxtaposing them powerfully against each other.

We are in a type of bondage—restricted, crushed, and alienated by modern materialistic society. The goal of our society is sense gratification—that is the only prize on offer. But one can never satisfy the senses; it is an impossible goal.

Hope you like this song!

Controlling Indian Parents

The love and bond that a child and parent share is immensely beautiful. Parents provide the affection, direction, security, wiseness needed to survive, grow and be good humans. Even though we are born with an inherited set of genes, every child has his/her own traits, personality, dreams, attitude, desires, opinions and definitions of right or wrong.

'You can not marry that girl, chose X profession, you should live in Y city'...
If you act any other way we will be immensely hurt, we did such and such sacrifices for you and this is how you return the favor?'. I am sure you have heard this before. Parents start taking control of their children's life thinking they have a right to make decisions for their offspring.

Are we owners of someone's life simply because we brought them to this world?

No child born on planet Earth told their parents 'I want to experience life, I want to be born, please give me birth'. The nature creates the want in most living individuals to experience all the aspects associated with having a kid. Our genes are selfish they want to keep on living. If a parent is providing care, love, protection to their child, making all sorts of sacrifices then they are not doing anything out of ordinary. They do it simply because they are wired to do so. Why talk about favors then?

Until when would you interfere in decision making of your children? At certain age you need to start setting them free. Let them make their own mistakes and learn from it (I hope you get it when I say decisions and mistakes I am not talking about drugs or murder). Every individual will feel the need to fly, sometimes even towards that blazing Sun. Provide the strength to their wings to fly and reach their desired destination. Alter your strategy to match their personality. Don't be a controlling Indian parent, Let your children figure out something that you were unable to - the meaning of life, the goal of their existence. 

Best 5 in history

 

Favorite Songs Playlist

 Sharing the list of my favorite songs. The playlist is available on YouTube -- here is the link --
Favorite songs playlist

Work in progress

You know, one day early in the morning I went to a shop to return something and the shopkeeper said they don't accept returns before 12pm. When asked why he said because that is when we do our Lakshmi Puja. I lost my cool. I couldn't believe my ears that people live with such superstitions, I told him very rudely that 'customer is your Lakshmi and their service should be your Puja'.

And I have had many loud, public fights when I experienced gender bias, superstitions, and basically idiocy.

When I look at people like Richard Dawkins speaking in talk shows, people ask them questions like 'was the earth created 5000 years ago by God', these great people never lose their cool, they go on explaining at length about how the Earth wasn't 'created' and that it didn't happen 5000 years ago.

If you are teaching multiplication to a child - then you don't yell at them because you don't expect them to know it, you would go and explain it to them ten times if needed. And to do that it needs something more than patience.

It needs compassion.


Compassion is the quality I lack, not with children but with grown-ups, I expect them to know that they are being superstitious, illogical, gender-biased, following some stupid 1000-year-old customs- rituals and stuff like that. 

I am working really hard to be compassionate with ignorant/ regressive grown-ups. When someone says something regressive I 'try' not to be rude and harsh with my words. 

The same goes with writing - If I am writing about issues like superstitions, gender inequality, etc. then my first drafts are very harsh, I edit them a few times to tone them down. You may still think that my posts sound harsh and I use curse words but just remember that -

I am working on compassion and the work is in progress.

Kabhi kisiko mukammal

One of my favorite ghazal and meaning - 

 kabhii kisii ko mukammal jahaa.N nahii.n milataa

kahii.n zamiin to kahii.n aasamaan nahii.n milataa

No one ever gets the entire universe 
Somewhere the earth and somewhere the sky is missing  

jise bhii dekhiye vo apane aap me.n gum hai
jubaa.N milii hai magar hamajubaa.N nahii.n milataa  

Whoever you see is lost in their own sorrow 
They have thoughts to share but no companion to listen  

bujhaa sakaa hai bhalaa kaun vaqt ke shole
ye aisii aag hai jisame dhuaa.N nahii.n milataa  

Who is able to douse the embers of time 
This is a fire that has no smoke  

tere jahaa.N me.n aisaa nahii.n ki pyaar na ho
jahaa.N ummiid ho isakii vahaa.N nahii.n milataa

It's not like there's no love in your life (universe) 
Where you hope for it you won't find it there

~~Nida Fazli

Tv shows I loved part 4

 

Weight Woes

Ever since I remember 'Lose Weight' has been on my new year resolutions list each year. Feels like the only constant in my life.

In 2013 (till November) I lost 7 pounds and gained 5 in the month of December (when I was vacationing in India).

The same resolutions continued every year: eat healthy/ home cooked food and exercise everyday. And kept gaining some losing some.

I get a good work out done only when I am in a group class. The instructor keeps me on my toes and looking at the other members motivates me to do better. I personally feel working out alone on trade mill or going on a long walk with friends does not count as exercise.

Yoga, Pilates, Kickboxing, weight training, Zumba, bosu blast, biking, hiking, swimming, some sports are all good exercises. Going on long walks once in a while is also a good form of exercise (assuming that is not the only form of work out we are engaging in).

The in-laws problem!

 

Women and Work Places

How many times have you refused to work late at office only because you didn’t want to get back home alone in a cab ? 

When I worked in India our team used to have a call with the Canadian customer at 8 pm.

 

The whole team was required to be in the office for that call. I didn't attend it.
Why you ask... I was scared of traveling alone at night. I felt it involved a high risk of being kidnapped, molested or being raped and killed. 

My manager at the time reprimanded me for not attending the call so I had to ask one of my male colleagues, who I trusted completely, to drop me home after the call.

Women should be able to step into public transport whenever they want to - if we consider this as a sign of equality in any place then we are going in the opposite direction.

How many times have you asked a male friend to drop you back home as it was too late in the night ?

I have done it innumerable times, whenever I was out after 8pm I asked male friends to drop me home - in India.

If you demand equality at a work place, make sure to stay up late just like the men. Do not give the excuse of family or being a woman to be allowed to go back early. Do you agree? 

I don't. Most work-places and work-timings have evolved to the needs of men who have been working all along, and hence they are suited for men. Most of the bachelors in my company worked till 11pm, even though they did not work, they stayed back to show they were available and because they had nothing better to do in their life. This creates a bad environment for women to work in. The higher management needs to take an action in such cases as being available can not be a criteria for promotion, job security or recognition.

 

Indian men (married men and fathers) have a support system in place which makes working conditions convenient for them. They have a spouse who cooks, packs tiffin (I have seen women pack their husband's travel bags too!), takes care of the children and the elderly. Men are able to travel easily too because the spouse takes care of the home and family.

Indian women, specially married women,  generally do not have this support system. They are expected to make sure that the working man is not inconvenienced when they pick up paid-jobs. So for most women today, entering into a marriage and having kids seems like a bad career move.

It is high time women protest against this, ask men to take care of equal responsibilities at home, every woman standing up against the norms is going to help change the culture and working conditions for women.

The work places need to evolve. It’s mutual need.  Jobs need workers and  the new age workers have different needs. 

If we do not create work-places that make it possible for parents to work, we will make it difficult for the the coming generations (specially women) to choose to have children. It’s happening in Europe and Australia already.  Women should not have to choose between self-reliance and motherhood/marriage- because then they might be forced to choose self reliance.

The society needs to make sure that marriage and motherhood do not deprive half the population of self reliance, happiness, safety, good-health, respect, dignity, freedom and equality.

Birthright

What perplexes me the most is what holds women back from conveying our point of view? Why do we complain about 'unfair treatment' but never make an effort to achieve equality in every relationship?

Is financial independence required to gather courage? Is it even valid to say I earn so treat me as an equal? It is the birthright of every individual of all genders, races, and castes to be treated square.

Waste of time

Do we have a constant need to categorize things that we do as productive and unproductive? The heart says read fiction and the brain says 'read non-fiction that is productive'.

I crave to experience those childhood days again when life was innocent, had no responsibilities, had nothing to prove and I felt ecstatic over non-materialistic things. I would spend hours making paper boats and looking at them move in a pond from one end to the other. I did it goal-free and guilt-free. No one (including my brain) had opinions on how I spent my time. 

 'You read a lot, looks like you have a lot of time to waste' someone said. 

It is amazing to see people who have figured out what 'waste of time' is while I am still contemplating what 'time' means...When the whole existence and time in itself seems to be a waste of time :-) It exists with no purpose, goal, meaning... and it is going to end without any achievements, accolades, or even anyone to remember that it was there. 

I think you get the gist.

Stranger anxiety

I do not have an ounce of stranger anxiety. When I am at parties/ around new people - on most occasions I end up talking to everyone around and often get asked: "Do you know them?"

And I wonder why would I want to know someone to talk to them? To think of it, for me, it is the other way round... I can easily talk to people I don't know but if I am not talking to someone means I know them too well :-)

I think you get the gist ;-)

Great songs

When you lose someone and you know you are never going to get them back
When you know you are going to spend the rest of your life walking around with a hole in your heart 
Asking yourself do I even wanna be here
That’s the kind of pain great songs are made of

Quit like a woman...

 

For here or to go?

Why I feel I want to go back to India:

Feeling alive: Chirping of birds, the crowded bazaars, hawkers screaming in the morning, cows sitting in the middle of the road; everyone trying to pass without disturbing them, the whistles of pressure cooker, smell of curries, ‘colorful’ people and the big fat festivals, children playing cricket anywhere and everywhere, the nonstop activities happening around all day long.
Life ‘in your face’ that gets tiring but never boring.

Belonging : I miss the instant connection and comfort that I feel when I see anyone even on the road and instinctively knowing the cultural connection. The sense of belonging makes me want to make a difference (in a way that I can’t being away).

Family : I want to be close to the family. It is not going to come with a hassle-free guarantee but which worthwhile thing ever does? 

Miscellaneous : Food for vegetarians which doesn’t get better than in India, maids - not having to do dishes ever again. I want to be surrounded more by people than machines. 

Why I want to stay back here in the US?

Calm and peace: much needed after a hectic day, big houses in quiet areas. American suburbs have spoilt me.

Work culture: absolutely amazing work culture which is hard to find in India.

Facilities: infrastructure, quality and ease with day to day stuff that this country has to offer.

People:  honesty, orderliness, discipline, attention to detail, patience  and non interfering attitudes of people, smiles and greeting even by strangers.

Very important for me: Huge libraries, easy and secured access to hiking/ biking trails and national parks, easy availability of international cinema and television, quality theaters where watching 3D films is a pleasure.

Miscellaneous: customer service, availability of variety of cuisines, driving in marvelous cars on beautiful roads where people follow all traffic rules, oh and of course Jcrew.

Why am I scared to go back: Lack of law and order, corruption, everyday difficulties, the sexist mindsets, rigid views, pollution, traffic, exploitative work culture, recurring hardships, lack of safety, interfering and nosy attitude of people makes me question myself a million times. Do I want to go back?

The decision would have been easy if I didn’t love US the way I do. Living out of India gives people a reality check. Exposure to the hassle free life makes one less tolerant of the ugly realities that are a part of everyday India.The questioning must be making a lot of you uneasy and the longer we stay the harder it will get to go back.

Should I make any more friends here? Should I buy this product? Would I be able to take and use this it in India if I ever move back? Yes, many decisions would be affected until I am clear about the question.

For here or to go?

Books By Brian Greene

 

The best man...

I could write a whole book on my father, baba as I call him, so I am finding it hard to confine it to a blog post. I am trying my best to keep it short.

He was one of the eight kids in a poor family who lived in a small village. My grandfather died when my dad was still in school. My grandmother worked as a maid in people's houses. Baba worked as a typist at a lawyer's office during his college days and then got a job in a bank after his graduation. He had just one shirt and pant to wear that he would wash in the evening and wear the same thing next day. He never wears his clothes without ironing them.

He always told me that never be dressed up but always be well dressed (poshakh kara pan poshakhi nasa), I never wear clothes without ironing them too. He bought most of my clothes when I was in school/ college. He has a great choice in clothes. He remains the most well dressed man that at least I have seen. Simple and tidy with well done hair and always clean shaved.

There are a lot of great things about him. The first and foremost that I can think of is the zest and enthusiasm with which he lived his life. He had passion to do every other thing. He made huge and beautiful rangolis in our front yard on the occasion on diwali, he has done innumerable superb embroidery pieces, he played excellent badminton/ table tennis/ chess and carrom, he solved Rubik's cube within seconds, he loved solving puzzles and crosswords. He played instruments like banjolele and harmonium. He read a lot, not anything and everything but just the quality, he always had a book that he was reading. He loved movies, old hindi songs and sung beautifully. He loved perfumes (attar) and collected many. He has a diploma in homeopathy and practiced it for many years.

He exercised every single day and had one of these sculpted bodies, he is still not bad considering his old age.

When he came home from work he taught me English and Math, then fed me, massaged my head with oil each night and put me to bed. He stayed by my bedside in each of my sickness. He did almost all household chores except actual cooking. I find it weird when people tell me that their dads never helped out. I did not know there is such thing as gender bias or duties based on gender roles until I saw the outside world.

He treats my mother with utmost respect and love. I have never ever seen them quarrel, hard to believe but it is true. I find it weird when I see men disrespecting women.

He never told me what I should be doing and not doing, what I should wear and not wear or who I should be meeting or not meeting. I can not survive in environments where I am told what needs to be done. Freedom of choice is the best gift I got from him or rather from both my parents. He always told me 'aikave janache karave manache' - hear what people have to say but do what your heart says and he also gave me the liberty to follow it.

He also said so many other beautiful philosophical things that I could write a booklet on it, he did not just say them but always followed it with his actions. He is a strong believer but he never ever forced me to be one. People find it weird that I am an atheist born to fervent believers. Again, freedom of choice.

If I had to ever ask for anyone's advice or would happily listen to one then it would be his, but again he would say the same, do what 'you' want to do, make mistakes learn from them, never regret, this by the way also shows immense amount of trust in the child.

People say he talks less, but he talked a lot at home with my mother and us kids. But here is one interesting thing about him, he never ever said a single bad word about anyone or anything to anyone. Never. Not even with my mother. He always said people who talk about people are third grade people (he used a Sanskrit phrase for it and I don't remember it now). One time when I asked him why he didn't tell me a certain important thing about my family history, he said because it is history, is it impacting you in any way in the present?. This is how he always has been, engrossed in activities, doing intellectual things and being positive and spiritual (in it's true sense).

On a side note, I have six aunts and one uncle and one commonality amongst all Mahabals that I have observed over the years is no one talks about each other or any other person, unless they have something good to say like 'oh so and so sings so well', apart from that no one talks about people. Period. They play, laugh, talk non stop but about events and happenings. And the same trait has perforated in the next generation and I hope the Mahabal gene takes over and remains dominant in this area for generations to come.

Baba could sleep anywhere, eat anything, sometimes he would finish his dinner and then my mother would find out that she forgot to put salt in the sabji, but he didn't complain. What's the big deal, he said. I have never seen Baba complain about a single thing in life and he has been through hell, and yet not a single word about it. I wish he never had to go through hell, but then shit happens, he has accepted it graciously, I haven't. Because I feel bad things happen to good people while the bad ones keep on living heartily, unfair. All I can say is Karma is a flop concept.

He is one gem of a person who might not have given us a huge house to live in but our small house was and is always filled with positivity, enthusiasm, creativity, simplicity, activity, freedom, love, support and respect. He is an ideal example of 'simple living high thinking'. If I had to select the best man that I met in my life then by far it is Baba.

If I live to be even half of the person that Baba is then I will consider my life a success story...