Hatred

(There are many forms of hatred... some leading up to criminal activities... and obviously, I am not talking about such in this post, I only talk about things that are derived from my own life).

Have you ever heard anyone say "I hate Shahrukh Khan"?.

People who say that are.... very 'lucky'. Why? Because hate is a very strong feeling and only people who haven't experienced hate can use it so casually.

So what exactly is hate? Is it extreme dislike/ disrespect/ anger/rage - yes all of these are a part of hate but then we always have an option to avoid things that make us upset/ angry/ uncomfortable/ or feel negative, how in the world do we reach that extreme state of hatred? 

Let's say, you work under a manager who micromanages/ checks/ controls every single thing that you do, who demeans/ belittles/ disrespects and gossips about you. Have you ever reported to any such manager? No? Lucky Bastard! Because I have! He was beyond crazy... I had an instant dislike towards him and so did the other team members. My rage reached hatred only because... he held the power. I felt helpless/ powerless and I feared losing my job (and my visa) if I rebelled.

Only helplessness, powerlessness, and fear can cause hatred - which is an extreme emotion that can cause immense rage, anger, abhorrence, abomination, mental trauma, and intense levels of stress. I have experienced hatred a couple of times, I am not ashamed to admit it because hate is a justified reaction for a person tormenting us in the present, either physically or mentally, a person we are at the mercy of and either cannot free ourselves of, or at least believe that we cannot. As long as we are in such a state of dependency, or think we are, then hatred is the inevitable outcome. Hatred is a feeling, albeit a very strong and assertive one, I must tell you that it is the WORST feeling that I have experienced so far. I do not want to experience hate again...ever in my life.

From my experience hate is far stronger than love, it occupies your entire headspace, it affects your sleep, health, mood, and everything in a bad way. People are wrong when they say love and hate are the sides of the same coin... they are not... they are different coins altogether.  I might have parted ways with people I loved but I have never hated them... not even in my wildest dreams... love stays intact. I have only hated things that I disliked, to begin with... but had no option to free myself from... or so I thought.

So how does one get rid of hatred... well, the feeling fades away with time... but how does one deal with it when one is actually subjected to it?

Hatred is a logical consequence of what happened to us... it tries to tell us something about the injuries we have been subjected to, and also about ourselves, our values, our specific sensitivity. We must learn to pay heed to it and understand the message it conveys. If we can do that, we no longer need to fear hatred. I feel it is important to ask yourself whom your hatred is directed at, and recognize why it is in fact justified? Then we have a chance of living responsibly with our feelings.

If we hate some characteristics... let's say...hypocrisy, insincerity, male chauvinism, mendacity, micromanagement, or anything for that matter, then we grant ourselves the right to fight them wherever we can, or to withdraw from people who show those traits. But if we pretend that we are impervious to these things, then we are betraying ourselves. Just so you know I HAD NO COMPULSION TO HARM, ANYONE, BECAUSE OF MY FEELINGS OF HATRED, but there are people who do...

So step number one is to accept that what you are experiencing is hatred. Then you will get to hear that Rasika, try to be compassionate Maybe they were brought up in conventional/ orthodox/ cruel situations surrounded by male chauvinist pigs and so they are treating others the same way. hatred is a dangerous curse, it can poison an organism and we need to free ourselves of it as quickly as we can, forgive the tormentor, have some compassion, think about where does his behavior arise from....' Heard that before? Great speech! But it is...bullshit. 

Really, I don't care what circumstances people are brought up in, it can not be an excuse to treat people cruelly... Hell, I have no compassion for people who torment others...

And step number two is to take action, confront the tormentor. What kind of person would I be if I could not react, temporarily at least, to injustice, presumption, evil, or arrogant idiocy with feelings of anger or rage? Would that not be an amputation of my emotional life? I have learned to understand my feelings rather than condemn them, to regard them as friends and protectors instead of fearing them as something alien that needs to be fought against.

In all my hatred scenarios the person did not hold any power over me, but I thought they did, it was all in my head... so what if I hated my manager?  I could have changed jobs any day and in other cases, I had the option to burn the bridges and move on but I lingered on trying to save relationships, and trying to save people around me from being hurt and all that crap. I no longer do that. If I ever feel suffocated with a person/ place/ object I confront and move away from it. Nothing holds power over me anymore... no relationship or nothing for that matter is worth going through hatred.

One always has options. You are helpless only if you believe you are...you are powerless - only if you think you are. And yes it takes courage to fight the cause of our hate, our tormentor. It many times requires breaking relationships, hurting people around you, sometimes going against the tide. Confrontations are not a pleasant scene, at least not for me. There are many stages in my life that I consider as 'growing up' experiences, but every time I had to fight the cause of hate... head-on ...are what I consider my metamorphosis...

So bite your tongue next time when you say I hate Shahrukh Khan because you are not at a gunpoint to watch his movies...

Hatred is a nasty feeling and nothing in the world is worth going through it...don't fight the feeling but do fight the cause of it...