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 My new video post - 

The Tradition

There once lived a man, he had a cat.

Whenever the man did puja his cat got 

all excited, she jumped on the plates 

he used for puja and drank the milk he had placed 

as an offering for the god.

The man had to get up a hundred 

times during the puja to put the cat 

away.

One day he decided enough is enough

and started to tie her on a leash

in the corner. 

Years passed by, the man got married,

had kids, when the kids were a

little older they started to tie the cat 

in the corner before the puja started.

One day the man died and the kids 

started doing the puja,

then the cat died and they got a new 

cat because a cat needed to be tied in

the corner during the puja.

The man probably assumed that 

his kids will know why the cat had 

to be in the corner.

Generations passed and the man’s 

descendants were still tying a cat

in the corner before puja. 

I just told you the story of all our 

traditions.

we follow them without asking -

when and under what circumstances 

did this tradition begin?

Why am I following this?

is it important and relevant 

in today’s time?

Rakshabandhan is the tradition 

that I want to talk about today,

where a girl does aarti of all her 

brothers and ties a thread on

their wrists asking them to protect 

her, and then the brothers give 

her gifts, and the brothers 

apparently need a reminder about 

this once every year. Quite a tradition.

This tradition started when women 

were distinctly seen as inferior 

sub-humans, 

who would stay confined 

at home, behind a veil, cook, 

produce children,

take care of the in-laws and entertain 

their husbands.

They were not allowed to get an 

education or go out and work.

So if something had to go wrong 

with their husband or marriage 

then they were financially 

dependent on other men in 

their family. 

I don’t need to tell you this but 

Women since then have

challenged the stereotype,

they have stepped out, surpassed in 

education and employment.

They have asserted their independence,

opinions, financial freedom

and are demanding equal treatment. 

And yet we are following a tradition 

which is a reflection of women’s

dependence, helplessness and 

something that started because

they had no other option. 

I have discussed this with many 

women around me and some said

‘but this has to be followed, this is our 

tradition,

We can not follow things just because 

our ancestors did it,

because we today are more evolved 

and advanced species than

what they were and it is only natural 

to do things in a more

evolved and advanced way.

some women said this is how we 

show love for our brothers’.

Respect, caring and understanding 

shows love in any relationship,

you don’t need to tie any damn 

thread to show love.

Just like you don’t have to celebrate 

valentine’s dayto prove that you love 

your partner.

And some women I talked to also 

went on to say that they don’t

care because they love the gifts they 

get on Rakshabandhan.

Ladies, if you haven’t noticed then

women are earning their own gifts,

it is high time that you

start doing that too.

Let’s see how many little girls will 

choose to tie a rakhi after

hearing what tying a rakhi implies. 

it implies that a female cannot fend for 

herself and is dependent

upon her brother to protect her and 

it implies that she is weak and

incapable

of being independent. 

There are other such festivals like  

“Bhau Bij” when the sister prays

for the

long life of her brother and Padava 

when a wife does aarti of her husband.

Don’t you see a pattern here? there are 

no such festivals when

brother prays

for sister’s long life, or a man does 

his wife’s aarti. 

I wonder If the women from the past 

came to life somehow

what will they think

of today’s women? Wouldn’t they feel 

proud that we have surpassed

so many obstacles

and have achieved so much, reached 

places even been to space?

Or will they feel proud that we are still 

following a tradition that reflects

woman as a helpless dependent being?

rather than blindly following a 

tradition one needs to understand

what the tradition

stands for, what is its origination, 

what is the message that it conveys,

is it relevant today

and are we following something 

regressive? 

If we have to then we need to leave

traditions for the next generations

that are a reflection

of today’s society, we need to send a 

relevant message for them that

women are strong,

independent, free, we earn our own 

gifts and we are capable to protect

ourselves,

our family and for that matter our 

society. 

Before you celebrate Raksha Bandhan 

next year Think about it.

This change needs to happen. 

If not now, when? And if not you, who?

The Cooking Chromosome

“Rasikaaaa how will you find a husband if you don’t know how to cook?”

a man once asked me out of concern. 

I panicked, I didn’t know it was a prerequisite to get married.

And I was so angry with my parents because, well,

they always told me to make a career, make a living, be independent but

never told me to learn how to cook.

A woman once told me “Rasika, You better learn how to cook,

because the way to a man’s heart goes through his…. stomach,”

yes, she said stomach, I don’t know what you were thinking. 

A way to a man’s heart goes through his stomach, you must

have heard that before. I obviously ignored her as who even wants

to marry such a shallow person whose heart revolves around

his stomach?

I think you get the gist of what I am trying to say. 

I often wonder why is there so much pressure on women to cook? 

I wondered if women are born with a cooking gene? It can not be

genetic for sure, because I and many women I know are

definitely not born with that gene. So I thought it must be some

sort of brainpower that can only be acquired by women?

Like you know, learning multiple languages is not

everyone’s cup of tea. But It can not be that too because most of the

rich and famous chefs around the world are men. So there is

neither a cooking gene nor a cooking chromosome.

So I don’t know why women are socialized to see

cooking as their role? The problem with gender roles is that it

prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are.

It prescribes what we should be doing rather than recognizing

what we want and do not want to do.

today women are pilots, doctors, engineers, scientists, police,

construction workers, astronauts, teachers. Women have

reached everywhere, but what is it about men that they

are not able to reach a room called a kitchen in their very own house?

I always thought that at this age We should celebrate

being women and having the opportunities to do things that our

grandmothers and great-grandmothers were not allowed to do.

Though now, of course, I realize that women are expected to do

the cooking, cleaning, childcare, chores along with their ambitions…

It is disheartening to see this happen. 

Men should be able to Realize that women are burdened with a lot,

they are equally tired as you are, they are equally looking for a

break as you are, and I am not even talking about equality here,

but it is basic humanity. 

Also, I feel Going to restaurants, having frozen food is not the

solution to this problem,  it won’t let you create better health and

body for yourself and your family. Fresh home-cooked food every

day for kids is going to build them a strong health foundation. 

This is 2019 and if you still think that it is a woman’s job to

cook, then you have some deep-rooted issues and it is high time

you address them. 

Now obviously there are many men who cook because many

people evolve, advance and progress with time, age and with the world.

But I have often seen that when a man cooks his wife’s attitude

is judged, their relationship is questioned. 

What I don’t understand is Why do people even notice it when men

are cooking? See, I do not like to cook but it is an important life skill that I had to acquire for better health.  

And what I have realized is cooking is comparatively an easy skill

to acquire, as long as you can see, have hands and can read and

follow basic instructions called recipes, you are good to go.

And many Men are intelligent enough to acquire these simple skills. 

So Why isn’t it still seen as perfectly normal and natural that

a man cooks, takes care of his own child, and takes care of chores

around his own house? 

There is nothing derogatory about cooking.

The ability to feed and nourish oneself and one’s family is

quite a noble task. So if a man is being responsible then

why is this behavior condemned?

Do you think that it is unmanly to cook?

I think it’s unmanly not to be able to cook. Because if you really

want to go for the archaic gender definitions then a man spends

time with his family, a man is independent, a man is healthy and

strong and a man provides for himself and others. 

History tells us that cooking is a woman’s job.

But what we do today is also going to be history for

the next generations, let's create an evolved history for them.

Let our kids see mothers and fathers both cook in the kitchen.  

And next time you see a man cook, remember that there is

nothing wrong with his wife’s attitude, or their relationship.

In fact, men who cook live in happy marriages because there is

less stress, better health, more family time, and more energy

left to do whatever they want to do.