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Male Chauvinism

A friend asked me yesterday 'do you hate men?'.

I said I don't. In fact, it is quite the opposite. I love men. They are quite a fascinating species, I am a straight person so I have spent innumerable hours thinking about them. I don't hate men. But I hate male chauvinism. And it is not just the men who are male chauvinists, many women are male chauvinists too (out of choice/ignorance), they think women are the weaker species and have to stick to duties of the gender roles, be subservient, obedient and sacrificing goddesses.

Men who are male chauvinists are idiots. Women who are male chauvinists are beyond idiots, they are the dumbest creatures I have ever met.

The Stubborn One

 

Do you follow your conviction even if no one agreed with you? Do you have it in you to row against the ride?

If and when I am in a dilemma about life choices I ask my father's opinion - not because he is the man of the house but because he is the wisest man I have ever met. He always tells me the same thing 'ask as many as you want, hear to what they have to say but always do what your head says' - he never ever - even once - said you need to do what the elders or the experienced or the people with (so-called) authority tell you to do.

I was never told to follow

a. Customs - for example, I don't like touching people's feet (Indian custom) - I don't do it,
b. Rituals -  I am an atheist born to fervent believers, my dad never ever asked me to be part of a puja or tried to emotionally blackmail me into visiting temples or read scriptures,
c. Social etiquette - till today my mother asks me 'so and so are coming home - do you want to meet them? if not then go out and enjoy yourself with your friends'.

I am by all means brought up with freedom of choice. And what is interesting is many women around me are brought up the exact same way. This is how today's parents are... and this is how today's daughters are brought up. And when I saw the world outside, it was a shock for me, because that is not how women are expected to be, they are expected to be obedient.

Ladies today don't let anyone walk all over them, they know what they want and what they don't want to do with their own life, they do not give in to people's idiotic expectations and nonsense objections. These kinds of women are then termed as stubborn. There are people who expect that women will behave in a certain, follow gender roles.
Anyhoo, so out of freedom of choice I had to develop an ability to analyze a situation purely on instinct and logic, without getting influenced by external factors or others' opinions. And in all honesty, it is hard to follow what your head says, because many feel they will hurt people in the process, also many feel afraid to take ownership if their decision fails.

I am fascinated by strong-willed/ and so-called stubborn people. Those who have clarity of thought and courage to follow their head (and heart!) no-matter-what the outcome is, for I believe one should only be answerable to their own conscious and be able to make decisions based on what they believe is right rather than living on borrowed thoughts and/or are too lazy to walk against the tide.

...it is a satisfying life when we know we are living on our own terms. That's how I have been brought up and that is how I aspire to continue.

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The outdated rituals in weddings

I attended many weddings in India since childhood, the only thing that I did in them was changed clothes after every 1 hour and posed for photographs with my cousins. I never saw the rituals followed in the weddings. It was in my 20s that I realized that the rituals are outdated and beyond idiotic. My mother says it is good that you realized it late otherwise If I had the knowledge of these kinds of rituals earlier then I would have protested outside every wedding hall instead of participating in the wedding. Here are the idiotic rituals which are still followed in weddings -

Kanya Daan – the father “gives” his daughter as a “gift” to the groom by placing the bride’s hand in the groom’s hand.


Who do you think you guys are to ‘Offer’, ‘Receive’, and ‘Bestow’? She isn't a thing or a piece of land to offer to someone else and who is this person to receive her? The bride's parents put a plate on the groom's and his parent's head and they say 'Our burden is now your burden is what the girl's family tells the grooms family. REALLY! What century do you guys live in?

Long ago, when the ritual was formed, was Kanya Daan a mere formality or was the ownership of women a fact of life? We don’t know. What we do know for a fact is that the concept of kanya daan exists even to this day. It remains not only symbolic of the ownership exercised over women by the male members of her family, but also translates to practical life. Women are treated with authority by their birth family as well as by the husband’s family. Many married women are still required to take permission even to step out.

Kanyaa daan ritual needs to stop right away. If you are a single Hindu person then remember to protest against it in your own wedding or then call me.

Gruh Pravesh - after the wedding rituals are over the groom takes the bride to his parent's house - this is called Gruh Pravesh - the groom's family welcoming the bride to their house. This sets a tone that the woman has now come to their house to become their family, now she belongs to their family - untrue - the boy and girl come together and build their own house and family, no one family owns the other person, no one person is going to the other family, it all is equal. Gruh Pravesh ceremonies need to be banned.

Mangalsutra and the Mrs. - 
Tying of the mangalsutra or thali is done ONLY to the bride. The thread also comes to be linked to the husband’s health and long life.  There is no marriage ritual that prays for the health and long life of the bride. Some women roam around in such ornaments, become Mrs. and take pride in being married, they change their lastname to their husband's lastname, like how an envelope gets stamped they get stamped too. Are you not worthy if you are not married? Men live as Mr. all their life, why are you tagging women as Miss and Mrs. This is idiotic beyond words.

Changing the lastname - 
Crappy old tradition where women are first given the father's name and then they are given (today's women willingly accept) the husband's name. Then later on the child is given the father's name too... Stop this nonsense, stop changing your lastname, name your child after you, either his/her middlename or lastname needs to be yours. Be the change that you want to see in the society, be a catalyst.

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Dust if you must...

I live in clean surroundings but I don't spend all my time on cleaning everything to the brim, prim and proper. There is so much to life than keeping the house spotless and this applies to so many other things, like gossiping, spending time around negativity and stuff like that.


I would rather exercise, read a book, watch a movie, write, paint, sing, dance, learn an instrument, learn a new language, go hiking, biking, meditate, be with the nature, travel, be around positive people, play board games, the list is endless...


Here is one of my favorite poem by Rose Milligan on the same topic -

“Dust if you must but wouldn’t it be better

To paint a picture or write a letter,

Bake a cake or plant a seed.

Ponder the difference between want and need.

Dust if you must but there’s not much time,

With rivers to swim and mountains to climb!

Music to hear and books to read,

Friends to cherish and life to lead.

Dust if you must but the world’s out there

With the sun in your eyes, the wind in your hair,

A flutter of snow, a shower of rain.

This day will not come around again.

Dust if you must but bear in mind,

Old age will come and it’s not kind.

And when you go and go you must, you, yourself, will make more dust.”

Social Media

If we're not careful the online world can suck us in, change us, turn us into something that is false, and twist notions of what is really real.

We begin to second guess ourself and feel as though we're not good enough, young enough, pretty enough, wealthy enough, popular enough and the list goes on.

We watch others become crazy successful, witness people going on exotic romantic trips, we see them party hard.... Our head starts to spin and we finally stop and wonder...what the HELL am I doing? Is it just me going through problems?

Social media puts pressure on people to enjoy life... to enjoy and capture each moment so that they can boast about the parties that they really did not have fun at, partners that they don’t really get along with, the friends who do not care about them, the kids that they hardly have the time for...

I do not feel ashamed to admit that I felt jealous - negative at times to see all that fun, amazing relationships that people were having... even though I know that there is a high chance that it is much exaggerated, filtered, manicured. Nobody is going to share negative things obviously.

I am subscribed to very few people, who publish posts with quality content that I like. I no longer feel overwhelmed with information overload. I really don’t care to find out who is drinking what. 

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10 Random Things about me

1. I let myself be and I let people be.

2. I am a creature of habit and discipline, I do not like too many unpredictable things happening.

3. I avoid doing unnecessary things that brings me drama and stress.

4. If I don't want to do something, my answer is, "No!". "No" is the shortest complete sentence. It does not bother me even if people say a straightaway No.

5. I am not committed to making other people happy, especially the ones who have bizarre expectations and weirdest possible objections, it is impossible to make such people happy. The only people I am committed to making happy are me and my near n dear ones.

6. I have always been a voracious reader, but I do not read anything and everything, life is too short to read crap.

7. I do not switch on the TV for months in a row, I very rarely miss it.

8. I spend approximately 2 minutes each day on social media. I am subscribed to only 4 people on it. But I do spend about 30 minutes every week reading a few blogs that I like.

9. I type the blog posts and then they get published when they do. Like I am writing this post on April 2nd, 2018, I don't know when it will get scheduled to be published.

10. I recycle content and post ages-old articles from this blog (rasikam.blogspot.com) and post them on my new blog (www.lifestyleandallthatjazz.blogspot.com) no one notices that they are from 2005/2006, so works out for me ;-).

So what is the lesson here? None. Do what makes sense to you at that moment and brings you joy.

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Just Random Thoughts...

1. Is there any such thing as bad art? I feel that art is about the process and not the finished piece. The simple act of its creation is what is important. Just doing it is good. There should be no rules in art-making. If ever there was a place that was meant to be free then it is the world of making art.

2. Love stays, relationships finish, and sometimes they last forever. Most of us have experienced it. Celebrate when it does but lovingly release it when it doesn’t. don't get sucked into negative relationships, burn the bridges and move on. The most difficult part is knowing when to do that.

3. Are there many small deaths in a lifetime? There is plenty to heal and a lot of letting go to be done.
Are we meant to seek permanence? but we are always growing, dying and being reborn so change is the only constant. Each one of us is just incredible works in progress.

4. Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved — William Jennings Bryan

5. Emotional stability is great for everyday life but it sucks for writing. Because when nothing is bothering you, or getting on your nerves, what does one write about? But I guess I don't need to worry about that for years, my mind is always overworking, there is enough material to sustain this blog for years to come ;-)

6. Can I tell you a little secret? I take outfit posts for days (for my style blog) in a row and then I don't for months, I get lazy to step out to take pictures when it is dark, gloomy and cold. I still am able to sustain this blog because it's frequency is once a week.

7. Even though I have been writing a blog for last so many years, my ultimate dream is to be a regular YouTuber, make videos and talk nonstop, about books, movies, issues or anything that is on my mind.

8. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. - Reinhold Niebuhr

9. My posts are never in real-time (not even this, this is written on 03/26/2018). I write my basic thoughts, then I ponder over them, then I type the post, then I schedule the post for some time in the future. Then the only time I edit the post is when I want to attach the photos were taken, which are not real-time again, they make it to the blog when I copy them from the camera and then edit them (crop, adjust lights, etc), I do not keep track of the date/time the posts will be published.

As I write this post - my blog posts are already scheduled till August 2020, so this post will make it to sometime after that. If I am run over by a bus tomorrow it won't affect the blog - the posts will continue to publish :-).

10. Over the years I have learned that anything is possible for people who are disciplined. Discipline has many complementary traits as well like self-control, determination and strong will power. Discipline also comes from priority. If you have led a disciplined life for the most parts then you are kind-of on an auto-pilot to lead a 'relatively' healthy and productive life, in present and in future too.

Real Beauty

Qualities I believe someone who evokes natural beauty embodies:



1. An appreciation, enthusiasm for life! Easy going, happy go lucky people with an ability to find meaning in a simple, fleeting moment just as easily as they can in a large-scale or life-changing one…


2. A love for real food; which means enjoying your indulgences once in a while but who understand the importance of a balanced diet and quality of food and are disciplined about it.


3. A desire to challenge their mind and body. Expanding one's understanding via books and art or trying a new workout or a yoga pose. Who value physical, cognitive and emotional growth.


4. An ability to walk out the door, with confidence and ready to conquer the world, every day!

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Irony

The biggest irony about my being a personal blogger is that - I am a private person in my personal life. I do not like to share my problems, thoughts, dreams, goals, plans (apart from a very few who I trust completely). If I do, then it is only when I want to share a perspective from that experience. My posts are generally 'thoughts' versus details from my life or about people in my life. I have stayed clear of mentioning any name or relationship in my entire blogging history. Interestingly none of my family members has ever asked me who is the post about, because the focus is not on who but about my learning from the experience of dealing with the who.

I never was too specific about my life in this space and I never will be. The intention is not to be mysterious or cryptic but because I like to keep my whereabouts and everyday life to myself (as much as possible), and the same goes for updates on social profiles.

I do not want my readers to agree with me on everything I say, but at least try and see where I am coming from and engage to learn more or share their own opinions.

I cringe a little when I meet people from my personal life (family, friends) and they choose to talk about my posts or outfits in person with me. Even if it is all compliments (on my face at least). My online life taking over my offline life is rather quite uncomfortable for me. My wish is to share posts on the internet and then leave them there. I do not ever want to dissect its contents with anyone in real life.  :-).

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Say What You Wanna Say

(Below opinions are only for the close relationships, the ones that you really care about, the ones in which you are respected and cared for. Relationships where you are disrespected, the ones that add stress or drama to your life - all I can say is - burn the bridges and move on, life is too short and too beautiful to spend a single moment on negative people)

Here are my five reasons why I think saying what's on your mind is always the best way to go:

1. Silence is as good as approval. If you disapprove of something but not say anything about it, it is as good as enabling it.

2. People are not mind-readers. While you may think things are obvious, people might not view the world from your perspective.

3. You might not be the only one thinking about it.

4. Speaking your mind can be a huge stress relief. I am incapable of not speaking my mind, I have a great deal of anxiety if for some reason I don't speak. It drives me crazy. It becomes this whole thing that would have not even existed had I just spoken up. Speak up!

5. You would never have to say, “I wish I had said…”
Obviously, there is a way to put forth what you want to say. The above points are not applicable for saying just the disapproved things or just the things that are hurting you but the good things too :-).

Four Favorites

Here are my most favorite 4 writers in the science genre -

• Carl Sagan - Carl Sagan's books are by far the best books in the science genre (amongst the ones that I have come across). He is revered upon by most of the scientists even today. His writing has this philosophical side to it that I LOVE. Some great books by Carl Sagan are Pale Blue Dot, Cosmos and The Demon Haunted World.

• 

  
  Richard Dawkins -In my teens when I looked around I felt a disconnect with the world. Temples, churches, mosques, god, rituals, religions, prayers... I did not understand it's meaning or it's necessity. I felt inferior, I felt I was one of these lowly creatures who lacks the most important thing that drives the world - faith. I lacked faith and I still do. When I asked questions like 'if god made us what made god' people looked at me as if I was an idiot. Then someone introduced me to Richard Dawkins and his books, then it dawned on me that it was more than normal to ask 'why', to ponder/ wonder and mostly question the various aspects of existence. Then there was no looking back for me, I read all his books, he saved me from feeling lowly about myself. Did he turn me into an atheist? No! I always was an atheist, all I needed was an affirmation that I am on the right path, the path of science.I LOVE all of his books. I feel this strong emotional bond for Dawkins as if he is my Guru/ teacher/ mentor. Some great books by Dawkins are - The Selfish Gene, The God Delusion, The Blind Watchmaker, The Greatest Show on Earth, Ancestor's Tale, The magic of reality.

• 

  Neil Degrasse Tyson - He makes astrophysics sound so easy and comprehensible even for laymen like me. It is one thing to have knowledge and another to express in words that anyone and everyone would be able to understand, and Tyson has that skill. I love all his TV shows as well, he has this amazing, positive, chirpy personality too. Another interesting fact that I want to unabashedly tell you is I have had this strong undying crush on Tyson for years. Intelligence + personality combo is quite sexy. Some good books by Tyson are - Astrophysics for people in a hurry, death by black hole, Space chronicles, Origins.

• Michio Kaku - I like his books because it always has information on latest- advancements, growth, progress, discoveries, inventions, instruments, techniques and whatnot. His books are fairly easy to understand. I feel in awe of scientists and the kind of progress that they are making. Some amazing books by Kaku are - Physics of the impossible, Parallel worlds, Future of the mind (I want to read all books he wrote).

I know from time and again I keep writing these kind of book/ writer reviews, in hope that someone will read them and pick up a science book for themselves and for their kids, I also hope that the new generation is taught astronomy over astrology, science over religion and logic over beliefs!
They say 'The more the universe seems comprehensible, the more it also seems pointless' and I say 'the more that one reads science, the more religion, wars etc. seem pointless'.