Great songs

When you lose someone and you know you are never going to get them back
When you know you are going to spend the rest of your life walking around with a hole in your heart 
Asking yourself do I even wanna be here
That’s the kind of pain great songs are made of

Quit like a woman...

 

For here or to go?

Why I feel I want to go back to India:

Feeling alive: Chirping of birds, the crowded bazaars, hawkers screaming in the morning, cows sitting in the middle of the road; everyone trying to pass without disturbing them, the whistles of pressure cooker, smell of curries, ‘colorful’ people and the big fat festivals, children playing cricket anywhere and everywhere, the nonstop activities happening around all day long.
Life ‘in your face’ that gets tiring but never boring.

Belonging : I miss the instant connection and comfort that I feel when I see anyone even on the road and instinctively knowing the cultural connection. The sense of belonging makes me want to make a difference (in a way that I can’t being away).

Family : I want to be close to the family. It is not going to come with a hassle-free guarantee but which worthwhile thing ever does? 

Miscellaneous : Food for vegetarians which doesn’t get better than in India, maids - not having to do dishes ever again. I want to be surrounded more by people than machines. 

Why I want to stay back here in the US?

Calm and peace: much needed after a hectic day, big houses in quiet areas. American suburbs have spoilt me.

Work culture: absolutely amazing work culture which is hard to find in India.

Facilities: infrastructure, quality and ease with day to day stuff that this country has to offer.

People:  honesty, orderliness, discipline, attention to detail, patience  and non interfering attitudes of people, smiles and greeting even by strangers.

Very important for me: Huge libraries, easy and secured access to hiking/ biking trails and national parks, easy availability of international cinema and television, quality theaters where watching 3D films is a pleasure.

Miscellaneous: customer service, availability of variety of cuisines, driving in marvelous cars on beautiful roads where people follow all traffic rules, oh and of course Jcrew.

Why am I scared to go back: Lack of law and order, corruption, everyday difficulties, the sexist mindsets, rigid views, pollution, traffic, exploitative work culture, recurring hardships, lack of safety, interfering and nosy attitude of people makes me question myself a million times. Do I want to go back?

The decision would have been easy if I didn’t love US the way I do. Living out of India gives people a reality check. Exposure to the hassle free life makes one less tolerant of the ugly realities that are a part of everyday India.The questioning must be making a lot of you uneasy and the longer we stay the harder it will get to go back.

Should I make any more friends here? Should I buy this product? Would I be able to take and use this it in India if I ever move back? Yes, many decisions would be affected until I am clear about the question.

For here or to go?

Books By Brian Greene

 

The best man...

I could write a whole book on my father, baba as I call him, so I am finding it hard to confine it to a blog post. I am trying my best to keep it short.

He was one of the eight kids in a poor family who lived in a small village. My grandfather died when my dad was still in school. My grandmother worked as a maid in people's houses. Baba worked as a typist at a lawyer's office during his college days and then got a job in a bank after his graduation. He had just one shirt and pant to wear that he would wash in the evening and wear the same thing next day. He never wears his clothes without ironing them.

He always told me that never be dressed up but always be well dressed (poshakh kara pan poshakhi nasa), I never wear clothes without ironing them too. He bought most of my clothes when I was in school/ college. He has a great choice in clothes. He remains the most well dressed man that at least I have seen. Simple and tidy with well done hair and always clean shaved.

There are a lot of great things about him. The first and foremost that I can think of is the zest and enthusiasm with which he lived his life. He had passion to do every other thing. He made huge and beautiful rangolis in our front yard on the occasion on diwali, he has done innumerable superb embroidery pieces, he played excellent badminton/ table tennis/ chess and carrom, he solved Rubik's cube within seconds, he loved solving puzzles and crosswords. He played instruments like banjolele and harmonium. He read a lot, not anything and everything but just the quality, he always had a book that he was reading. He loved movies, old hindi songs and sung beautifully. He loved perfumes (attar) and collected many. He has a diploma in homeopathy and practiced it for many years.

He exercised every single day and had one of these sculpted bodies, he is still not bad considering his old age.

When he came home from work he taught me English and Math, then fed me, massaged my head with oil each night and put me to bed. He stayed by my bedside in each of my sickness. He did almost all household chores except actual cooking. I find it weird when people tell me that their dads never helped out. I did not know there is such thing as gender bias or duties based on gender roles until I saw the outside world.

He treats my mother with utmost respect and love. I have never ever seen them quarrel, hard to believe but it is true. I find it weird when I see men disrespecting women.

He never told me what I should be doing and not doing, what I should wear and not wear or who I should be meeting or not meeting. I can not survive in environments where I am told what needs to be done. Freedom of choice is the best gift I got from him or rather from both my parents. He always told me 'aikave janache karave manache' - hear what people have to say but do what your heart says and he also gave me the liberty to follow it.

He also said so many other beautiful philosophical things that I could write a booklet on it, he did not just say them but always followed it with his actions. He is a strong believer but he never ever forced me to be one. People find it weird that I am an atheist born to fervent believers. Again, freedom of choice.

If I had to ever ask for anyone's advice or would happily listen to one then it would be his, but again he would say the same, do what 'you' want to do, make mistakes learn from them, never regret, this by the way also shows immense amount of trust in the child.

People say he talks less, but he talked a lot at home with my mother and us kids. But here is one interesting thing about him, he never ever said a single bad word about anyone or anything to anyone. Never. Not even with my mother. He always said people who talk about people are third grade people (he used a Sanskrit phrase for it and I don't remember it now). One time when I asked him why he didn't tell me a certain important thing about my family history, he said because it is history, is it impacting you in any way in the present?. This is how he always has been, engrossed in activities, doing intellectual things and being positive and spiritual (in it's true sense).

On a side note, I have six aunts and one uncle and one commonality amongst all Mahabals that I have observed over the years is no one talks about each other or any other person, unless they have something good to say like 'oh so and so sings so well', apart from that no one talks about people. Period. They play, laugh, talk non stop but about events and happenings. And the same trait has perforated in the next generation and I hope the Mahabal gene takes over and remains dominant in this area for generations to come.

Baba could sleep anywhere, eat anything, sometimes he would finish his dinner and then my mother would find out that she forgot to put salt in the sabji, but he didn't complain. What's the big deal, he said. I have never seen Baba complain about a single thing in life and he has been through hell, and yet not a single word about it. I wish he never had to go through hell, but then shit happens, he has accepted it graciously, I haven't. Because I feel bad things happen to good people while the bad ones keep on living heartily, unfair. All I can say is Karma is a flop concept.

He is one gem of a person who might not have given us a huge house to live in but our small house was and is always filled with positivity, enthusiasm, creativity, simplicity, activity, freedom, love, support and respect. He is an ideal example of 'simple living high thinking'. If I had to select the best man that I met in my life then by far it is Baba.

If I live to be even half of the person that Baba is then I will consider my life a success story...

Gossip...

The more you listen to gossip, take part in gossip, accept gossip, the more you tune your ear to that frequency and start finding your highs in the lows of others.

That desire to hear and talk about the faults of others stems from a vacancy in the heart that we try to fill in any way possible. 

Gossip is like junk food, temporary satisfaction with no real nourishment. 

When you mean no...

When you say you are going to call, Call.

When you say you are going to turn up, Turn up. 

When you say you will get it done, Get it done. 

Trust is built in small actions.

When you consistently break your promises, people start to question the integrity in your words. They trust you less and feel that they can not rely on you.

Say yes when you mean yes, and no when you mean no. 

Best Books Of Carl Sagan

A couple announced to a group of people present at their house that they were expecting their first child. Everyone was happy but one man in the group said 'I checked your horoscope with my astrologer and he told me there is NO chance until next year'.

There are millions of people like the man in this scene who are satisfying their curiosities and spreading ignorance. The couple was obviously stressed during all the months of pregnancy thinking 'what if the astrologer was right'. Well, they have healthy kids now and they produced them without checking with any astrologer.

I wonder how can anyone predict sperm count, suitable conditions of the womb and free time that the couple was going to find to make babies! How can the faraway planets play a role in anything? It is quite pompous of humans to think that the planets are aware of our individual existence and have nothing better to do than to affect our futures.

It is funny that a lot of people refer to astrology as Science. Astrology is not a science, its an art. Art of selling dreams. Everyone needs emotional support and astrologers take advantage of it. They just not sell dreams, but they make people emotionally and intellectually handicap. People start relying on astrologers on almost everything. For marriage, business transactions, the birth of children, names of their babies and everything under the sky. Unfortunately, astrology is more popular in India than astronomy.

A few years back a lady on a road asked me to give her money when I denied she said 'My goddess will curse you, bad things will happen to you'. I found it ironical, if there was a goddess cursing or blessing someone and this lady had control over the goddess then why was she herself begging on the road? I left the scene but from a distance, I could see many people giving her money. Reason? Simple - Fear of unknown.

Every single person is scared of the unknown, be it the future, entering a dark room or the reason for our existence. Out of our fears, demons are born they are nothing but superstitions.

There is a movie called 'Little Boy', someone tells the little boy in the movie that he has the power to move land. Then this boy tries to move land all the time. One fine day there is an earthquake at the same time when he is trying to move land - the game of probability! And then everyone starts calling him a miracle, that is how superstitions are spread.

In India, there are many such miracle people, the babas, Maharaj or whatever you want to call them with millions of followers. People, irrespective of how much educated they are, believe in things like Maharaj and black magic.

I wasn’t born with any superstitions, I don’t think any of us is, but the world makes sure that we learn them. Carl Sagan’s book The demon-haunted world helped me get rid of my superstitions and it feels quite liberated to live without any.
I wish every single person in the world reads it.

Cosmos 
Cosmos is a thoroughly enthralling read that takes you on a breath-taking journey from the inception of the Universe to futures that may never be and allows us to ponder what it truly means to be human and what our place, our purpose, is in the vast expanse of "this Cosmos in which we float like a mote of dust in the morning sky" I also highly recommend the show called Cosmos by Neil Degrasse Tyson, which is available on Netflix instant.

Pale Blue Dot 

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. Reading this book was the most humbling and character-building experience for me. 

These are my recommendations of Carl’s Sagan’s books, I hope you like them.

People

While pondering over the topic of 'people' I figured out a very important thing about myself and that is : I do not like or dislike people. No really! I don't.

But I like the 'me' when I am around some people, I like the way I feel around them, where I talk a lot, laugh a lot, express my inner thoughts without worrying about being observed or judged, where I am being myself without being afraid if I will be accepted or not, and then there is a bunch of people in whose company I dislike the 'me', I ain't my usual self, I go quiet, I feel awkward, uncomfortable, drained, stressed, observed or judged.

As you might already know by now that I am a staunch non-believer but it doesn't bother me to be around believers, the commonality is not what adds to my comfort, I can be a polar opposite from the other person and yet feel at home around them, so much so that I can express my polar opposite thoughts without having to think twice. 

The company I am with doesn't have to be perfect, sensible, most intelligent or awesome for 'me' to like myself.

I know how to ignore people's whimsies when I don't have to curb mine :-)

Do you see what I am saying? Does that happen to you? Do you like or dislike the 'you' when around certain people and not really like or dislike the company you are with? And but obviously, I base my relationships based on how 'I' am with the person more than how the person is with me. I think you get the gist.

The sexist Hindu traditions

 

Thank you for your patience...

Yes, this post is about patience. Patience is a virtue... we all have been taught that, and what I have to say about it is patience sucks!

I feel I was largely a patient person in my younger days but with age what I am losing is not my hair (not yet) but my patience. You know back in the day I would watch a movie like Anjaam or Duplicate, come out of the theatre after three hours and say to my friends 'uh it was alright, do you want to go for dinner?'. That's it!

Now you dare show me an Anjaam or a Duplicate, first of all, I won't go until Anupama Chopra's review is out.. and if she has given a 4-star rating, (she gave a 3-star rating to Befikre so it has to be 4+), so never a first-day first show for me... unless it's an Amir Khan movie, and if I go to a Duplicate I will walk out of the movie in 20 minutes or maybe 10.

Now I don't read anything and everything like back in the good old day, life is too short to do that, I lose my patience instantly if I am made to read '50 shades of gray'. I also was very patient with people back in the day, now it doesn't matter to me if you are famous or rich or if we are related, I have to have my wavelength match with the person otherwise what I lose is my patience. I don't hang on to relationships anymore just because I have to.

But here is the thing, I might be impatient with loads of things around me, movies and books... they are trivial things in life after all, but with age, I have learned to use my depleted patience levels for the right things.

For example, I was an impatient person back in the day for many other things... If say you are learning to play an instrument you will know the kind of hard work and commitment it involves. I used to learn violin, and I play other instruments too but I found playing violin in particular very difficult, I used to get frustrated, every time I took a small step forward and improved, I would barely savor the achievement and would once again get upset with anything I saw as a failure. Same goes for whatever I did... But now with time, I am more patient with things that matter, I don't expect to see instant results, also I am very patient with people I love and the ones who are worth the effort.

In the past, I have attempted to learn to swim many times, and every time I gave up after a month when I didn't make progress. Before you reach conclusions let me tell you I am extremely scared of water, but now I have been going swimming for the last 2 years, I am not great at it, but I can swim a short distance in shallow water without support. Hey and that's a big deal. I didn't give up.

Now I work out every single day, I have a good diet every day, from 180 pounds to 132 pounds, it took me only 9 years, and all that patience was worth because I am able to flaunt a crop top that I always wanted to... that is as shallow as it gets.

So I say patience is not a virtue; that makes it sound easy and light. Patience is hard and it takes practice. Patience is really about having the inner strength to stick to your guns, face your fears, repeatedly let go of internal expectations, and have trust that it will all work out in the end. 

Random Thoughts

When the surroundings are quiet what we experience is solitude and when we feel alone even in a group of people it is loneliness. 

The storage of history, numbers, science is brain and the ability to throw away negativity is knowledge. 

There are some people who are so full of life that they learn/ do/ create something new every second. They never complain of not finding time because time finds them.

Best biographies

 

Short Book Reviews - 2018.1

1. Origin - Dan Brown : Years ago I used to read books and write all the quotes that I liked from the book in my little journal, if I was doing the same till today then I would be writing a lot while reading this book. A good read. 3/5.


2. The Nest - It is an award winning book - didn't work for me. 2/5.


3. Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell - I hearby swear to never read Rowell's books again. 2/5.


4. Speak - Laurie Halse Anderson - A story of a girl who is bullied. Liked it. 3/5.


5. Twisted -Laurie Halse Anderson - Teen fiction - It was alright - 2/5.

6. The Husband's Secret - Liane Moriarty - I tried, I promise, to like Moriarty's books, truly madly guilty or be it big little lies and this was my third attempt, but I never get involved in her characters and I nor do I care the secrets that drive the plots of her books, the women characters in her books are too stereotypical (my opinion) or may be it's just that I don't like serious chick-lit even though they are bestsellers. Anywhooo, this was my last attempt at reading her books. (I loved the TV show Big Little Lies, it was short and crisp, unlike her books)  2/5.


7. Parallel Worlds - Michio Kaku -

In this thrilling journey into the mysteries of our cosmos, bestselling author Michio Kaku takes us on a dizzying ride to explore black holes and time machines, multidimensional space and, most tantalizing of all, the possibility that parallel universes may lay alongside our own. 4/5.


8. Lies she told - Cate Holahan ........ 1/5


9. Don't let go - Harlan Coben ....... 2/5


10. Surprise me - Sophie Kinsella - Yawn! 1/5.

The Varieties of scientific experience

***Disclaimer - Strong opinions - ignore if you disagree... as simple as that

When I look around me I feel in awe of this advanced world. There is so much intelligence around, I feel honored to even coexist the Earth with people like Elon Musk, and then I see the overzealous, religious fools who believe in very many things, and I wonder, how can that be? How can a bunch has an evolved intellect and a bunch doesn't. Why do a bunch of people follow the thousand-year-old traditions/scriptures/customs/rituals/gods and superstitions without ever questioning why...


It is quite perplexing.


How can a part of the world believe that Brahma is the creator of the world and then there is a god with an elephant head... and the rest of the world has no clue about these so-called creators... if they are gods then how come they didn't make themselves be known everywhere around?


Our toes, thumbs, eyes everything is a result of evolution... so how can the deities that people worship look like us? If people can believe that God created everything... and when asked what created god their answer is god doesn't need a creator... if they can believe this then why can't they digest the idea that the universe created itself... it didn't need a creator. How can people believe that there is an entity that created everything and also answers to prayers...


Did God create man? I think it is the other way round...man created God.


Very good arguments by Carl Sagan in this book, still better books are available on this topic... like the God Delusion and for that matter all books by Richard Dawkins.

TV shows that I loved

 

Karma

At all times, I think about life, in moderate amounts :-). Topic on my mind today is Karma.

There are so many people in this world who are supremely talented and hardworking but never really see the fruits of their efforts. And on the other hand there are some who are not talented nor hardworking but are successful and rich and are celebrated by everyone.

There are supremely amazing, nice-at-heart people who meet with tragedies and there are toxic people whose only job is to add stress to others' lives - they live happily ever after.
There are evil, bad people around the world who are roaming free.

I wouldn't say life is unfair, but it is quite random. There is often no logical explanation for how things turn out. I often look for logic and ponder over the concept of karma to explain life. But every time I reach the same conclusion - Karma is a flop concept.

Born a crime

 

Assess your relationships...

Assess your relationships from time to time.

Stepping on each other’s toes?  Frequently unhappy?  More and more conversations leaving a bad taste in your mouth?  Take a step back and try to be objective.

Ask yourself, Am I getting something valuable out of this relationship? Is there give and take? Am I being listened to? Do my thoughts and feelings count? Do I take the lead at least half the time? Is there an initiative from the other side - to meet, to connect, to talk? Am I respected in this relationship? Am I an equal in this relationship? Am I being taken for granted? Do I get to make my own decisions about personal things that affect no one else? Do I feel supported and affirmed by the other person?

Answer the above questions honestly. Be willing to look at the truth.

Some relationships add value, some are neutral, and some only add drama/ stress/ negativity/ toxicity/ criticism. Life is too short and too beautiful to spend it around negativity, the world is full of beauty, amazing things to do and superb people, no need to be around toxicity. Happiness is a choice and no one can make it for you, you yourself have to do it.

Do you feel you could’ve stopped some people from manipulating you sooner? Did you badly want to believe they were good?  If the truth is undesirable, that’s okay. That’s what we humans do – we make mistakes.

You can always change course and begin to work on reclaiming your happiness.

New video - My recommendations of Mystery TV shows